IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Welcome and What’s New?
2. Coaching Quickie
3. Blog Bits
4. What’s for Sale?
5. How I Met My Sweetheart and Twelve Lessons I Learned
6. Who is Kathryn Lord?
7. What is Romance Coaching?

WELCOME! AND WHAT'S NEW?

When will it ever rain here in Tallahassee?  We have had 4 very dry months, and while that keeps the temps and humidity at a comfortable level, plants and animals are having an increasingly tough time.  And the air is often full of smoke from the wildfires all over the state.

In the last *eMAIL to eMATE* issue, I started telling you about what I learned from what Drew and I went through when we first met nine years ago.  Here in this issue is, as Paul Harvey would say, “The rest of the story.” I take you through our 10 days of emailing and talking on the phone before we met, on the first Saturday of June in 1998.  And I spell out twelve more lessons that I learned in the process, all lessons that can help you find your Sweetheart, just like I did.

That May and June in 1998 had very different, yet equally extreme, weather: Very, very hot and humid, over 100 degrees every day, with lots of rain.  The weather aided us getting together online, because it was too hot to do anything outdoors.

And then when we met in real time and space on the June Saturday, we made probably the biggest mistake of our courtship: We spent the day outside.  It was sweltering, and we both sweated copiously.  But probably the weather helped there, too, because we both were determined to “sweat it out” and spend the time necessary to get to know each other.  And we got to see each other in not the best circumstances.  P. S. We did okay.

Think about it: Are you willing to “sweat it out,” do what needs to be done to find love?  Your future partner will be watching to see what you are willing to do to make a relationship happen. What ARE you willing to do?

I’m running a great sale in this issue, so be sure to check it out below.  P. S. It won’t run forever, because as soon as my schedule gets filled up, I’ll pull the offer.  So if you are interested, don’t delay!  Get in touch with me:

See ya in two weeks!  Kathryn

Did you know that the cause of most dating problems is anxiety? Some folks just can’t get started, no matter how much they want a Sweetheart, because they are so scared.  Others do just fine in the beginning, maybe getting almost to the altar before their nerves get the better of them.

How do you handle anxiety?  What works for you when you get worked up?  Make a plan that includes sure-fire soothers, and then use it when your nerves start playing havoc with your dreams.

We know online dating has hit the mainstream when the routines we invent become common knowledge.  See these two postings on “Coffee Dates.”

Rules for Coffee Dates
Now that the coffee date is institutionalized into the Internet dating routine, here are some suggestions via Chemistry.com on how to make that coffee date a winner:

Coffee Date? Starbucks is Watching
Flirtations a-brewing at coffeehouses

Good News for Men Over 50...
My good friend Ben who happens to be over 50 himself, though happily married, sent me the following article from Match.com’s “Happen” magazine.  It’s good news for guys, and Ben too.  And take a look at another of my blog postings that talks about older—or at least balding—guys and how attractive they are.

Or go straight to my blog

Summer’s here, folks are taking time off, my Romance Clients are finding romance, and I have some time in my schedule for new singles.  Because I want YOU to find the same kind of success and happiness that my current clients are having, I thought of a good deal for us both:

FREE Profile Review and/or start from scratch when you sign up for one block of coaching sessions.  A block is 4 1/2 hours of my time (2 hours total).  I charge $75 per half hour, so that would be $300.

I usually charge $99 for a Profile Review, which is a bargain by itself. With this offer, I’m INCLUDING a Profile Review in the coaching fee.  This is a fantastic deal, and saves you $99 right off the top.

I get fabulous reports back from my clients about the profiles we come up with together.  And of course my Romance Coaching is second to none.  So if you have been thinking about signing up, June is your month.  Email me at and let me know that you are interested.

P. S.  This offer is for JUNE ONLY!  And if my schedule gets filled up quick, I’ll pull it.  So if you are really interested, you need to move NOW!

P. P. S.  I’ve only got so much space, so this offer is for NEW CLIENTS ONLY.  But if you are or have been a client of mine and want a special deal too, I’ve got one.  Send me an email and I’ll tell you what it is…

In the last issue, I wrote about how I first contacted my now- husband Drew on Match.com. The date was Thursday, May 21, 1998. After he wrote back a nice note saying he was interested but writing to another lady and wanting to see that out, I emailed back thanking him for the note. I wrote that it was nice to have more than one correspondence going at the same time and to get in touch if he became more interested. And then I shut down my computer and went to bed.

The next morning, what should be in my email box but a looong letter that he had sent less than an hour after I had sent my last note. Kazowee! He changed his mind.

Lesson #13: If you are interested, say so. And move on that interest. Show some energy and write.

The email was crammed with energy and information: StGlass (his screen name) was not short for Steve Glass like I had wondered, but for stained glass, which had also occurred to me. A scientist, he was developing his artistic side big time as a stained glass craftsman. Though I had not said so in my profile, I was an undergrad art major and had done some stained glass work. My profile essay (probably my third or fourth version) though was full of color, and he had picked up on that.

Lesson #14: Show, don’t tell, in your profile essay. My screen name Tourmaline had sparked his interest, as had colorful and artistic references.

He ended with “If you are still awake and might answer yet tonight, let me know and I will keep the computer on.” He had to wait.

I wrote back at 7:04am Friday morning. Drew’s answer came in at 4:39pm—he’d just gotten home from work. Even those few hours had seemed like a long wait. I didn’t know it then, but we were off and running. Fast.

He wrote again at 7:59pm, 11:12pm, and 3:17am Saturday morning. These were long, thoughtful, revealing letters. I did write emails back to the first two, went to bed after sending one at 10:32pm, and woke up to two more.

Lesson #15: Drew’s show of energy and interest worked well with me since I move fast too, but he was faster and more intense.

I did worry during that first week that he might be manic. Not everyone would be so receptive to such a full-tilt approach. So temper your intensity until you have a feel for your correspondent. But I do like to see some energy in early emails. It shows interest, commitment of time, and willingness to engage.

Lesson #16: You can learn a lot from what and how a person writes. Do not move to meet in real time and space too quickly and waste this important opportunity.

We communicated by email entirely for the first few days. I had suggested to previous correspondents that we exchange relationship histories. Drew and I did this before we even talked on the phone.

Lesson #17: Put some thought into what is important to know, and use the time before a potential meeting to ask for and get your answers.  A face to face meeting adds lots of information and PRESSURE that makes it difficult to stay in touch with the process of gathering information that you’ll need to make your decisions.

Lesson #18: How your email pal treats the questions is as important as what they write. Does he or she avoid answering at all? Do they hem and haw, get angry that you asked, or evade a complete answer? Or do they understand your purpose and answer in what seems to be an open and frank manner?

When Drew and I met online, most profiles did not have photos. It was still early in the Internet dating process and scanners and digital cameras were rare. Neither of us had posted photos.

I knew that seeing what each other looked like was an important step, so Sunday morning (the day before Memorial Day), I wrote that it was time for us to send pictures. I did have some of me on my computer, but Drew did not. Drew wrote he would drive to his office where there was a scanner.

Hours passed with no emails from Drew. I had sent my pictures. Did he not like them?

I started getting short emails updating me on his process. Drew couldn’t figure out the scanner at work, so he drove to Jackson, MS (an hour away), bought a scanner, brought it home, hooked it up, and figured out how to work it.

Lesson #19: Be ready to do what needs to be done to advance the process of getting to know each other. These early steps of a developing relationship are fragile and tentative. It doesn’t take much to throw off the process. Hesitation, reluctance, avoidance breed distrust. Trust is THE most important factor in intimate relationships. You are in a trust-building process, and it takes two. Do your part.

Drew started sending me picture after picture. I got one or two and could see he was quite cute—he passed the photo test. But then, my email box got completely stuffed and blocked. The photo files he was sending were so huge that they took up all my allotted memory. And, since it was a holiday weekend, I couldn’t get in touch with my Internet server to have the mailbox unclogged. We were stuck.

Lesson #20: Be familiar with your technology. Don’t take the risk of mechanical snafus getting in the way of what needs to happen.

So, we HAD to move to the phone.

Drew came across much differently on the phone. I know that the phone is not a good way to communicate with him, but those first conversations were very awkward. If we had moved quickly to the phone before all our email correspondence, we may never have gone on to meet in real time and space.

We began making plans to meet. This was not an easy task, since we live 482 miles apart, we both were busy professionals, and it was hotter than blazes. But we did it. We met for the first time the next Saturday in Mobile, Alabama, a four hour drive for us both.

Lesson #21: Repeat: Be ready to do what needs to be done to advance the process.

Lesson #22: Pick a public place that you both can find. But if you live in the South and it is summer, go for inside and air conditioning. We met in a public gardens, which were very pretty, but sweltering. We even got caught in a thunderstorm.

Drew’s energy that came through in his writing, and that carried us through to our first real meeting. I found out he was as cute in real life as in the photos, he was not manic as I had worried he might be, and we were clearly strongly attracted to each other.

From that first real life meeting, we were practically a “done deal.” We knew so much about each other from our extensive email communications (the accumulated printed-out copies are about two inches thick) that the meeting was really just checking out the details.

Lesson #23: Take the whole process very seriously. You are working on the rest of your life. Give the project the time and attention it and you deserve.

Lesson #24: The most important one: Dare to do it. Dare to hope. Dare to try.

6. WHO IS KATHRYN LORD?

Kathryn Lord (that’s me) is a Romance Coach and psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in helping singles find love and happiness. If you want to know more about my qualifications, you can find lots about me on my website Find-a-Sweetheart.com.

I know that you can find the love you are looking for because I did it myself when I was 48.  It was 1998 and online dating sites were brand new.  I was terrified, but I persevered, figured out the system on my own, and met my now husband Drew.  We are a match for sure.

7. WHAT IS ROMANCE COACHING?

When Drew and I met, we were pioneers.  Internet matchmaking was brand new, it was scary, and we had no help.  We were lucky.  We were able to make it work.

My goal is to make the whole business easier for singles just like you.  I have spent the last five years learning everything I could so that I could pass onto you just what you need, right when you need it.

If you would like to know more about how I could help you in your search for love, I offer a free first Romance Coaching session. Email me at to set up your own private time to talk to me.

Pass or forward this newsletter to friends or colleagues. You may be giving them the gift of romance!

Copyright 2007 Kathryn B. Lord. All rights reserved.

The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added, or deleted, including contact information. You may not copy it to a web site without my permission.

Reprint information will be freely granted upon request to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit educational organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in modified or altered form.