IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Welcome and What's New?
2. Coaching Quickie
3. Blog Bits
4. What's for Sale?
5. How I Met My Sweetheart and Twelve Lessons I Learned
6. Who is Kathryn Lord?
7. What is Romance Coaching?

1. Welcome! and What's New?

What's new this month is nine years old. But every year at this
time, it is fresh to me and my husband Drew. This is the time of
year that we met online, and I am including you in the
celebration: The story of "How We Met and Twelve Lessons I Learned"

My whole life changed when I met Drew. Not only did I get a
fantastic husband out of the deal, I also got a new career. I
became a Romance Coach.

(Not only is May the anniversary of when Drew and I met, it also
marks my graduation from New York University School of Social
Work -- 30 years ago! My 30 years as a psychotherapist has given
me a fantastic background and advantage as a Romance Coach -- I
know just how to help you find love from more than my own
personal experience of finding a mate online.)

When we met in 1998, Internet dating was in its infancy. I
didn't know anyone who was trying this new way of meeting people,
and I couldn't find any help in my usual places: Books and
writings. I was on my own and it was scary.

I figured it out. Drew figured it out. We met, and it worked.
Beautifully. But not without some bumps and bruises along the
way.

That's why I'm a Romance Coach. Internet dating is the greatest
resource for singles that there is -- hands down, and onto the
keyboard. But it's still scary and bruising. However ... I know
how to help.

I've been studying and inventing Romance Coaching for more than
five years. I may have been the first Romance Coach out there --
I certainly didn't know of any other, though lots have followed.
My psychotherapy experience gave me a huge edge. Researching,
reading, writing, and working with singles has done the rest.

I've been there, done that -- and I've even got the T-shirt!
(Want one for you? Go here! ) And I've got what it
takes to make it easier for you. All you have to do is take
advantage of it.

And think about it: What does it say if you don't?

Best, Kathryn
Your Romance Coach

P. S. I haven't forgotten where we left off in the last issue,
"Building Your Online Presence" -- I'll pick up where I left off
in the June 15th issue. Meanwhile, enjoy my story of how I met
my Sweetheart and the lessons I learned then that will help you now.

2. Coaching Quickie

The biggest, overall lesson I learned from meeting my husband
online was "Take charge!" Do not let anyone else, including
fate, take charge of your happiness. Be proactive -- DO
SOMETHING! Decide what you want and do something every day to
make you dream more likely to come true.

3. Blog Bits

If you want proof that Internet dating is now THE way to meet
your best mate, take a look at these blog pieces:

Prime Minister Dates Online May 9
If you don't think that quality people are online looking for
love, then take a look at this piece. Of course, it does depend
on what you think of politicians...

How Many Find Love Online May 7

42% Find Love on the Net??? Check out this posting and the
background article for a look at the numbers...

Why Internet Dating Disappoints May 3

Thinking about love is a lot different than experiencing the real
thing. When you are thinking, you can fantasize, make all the
details perfect.

Or go straight to my blog

4. What's on Sale?

A twofer this time! I mention two separate articles in "How I Met My Sweetheart and Twelve Lessons I Learned" --

"Internet Dating’s Dirty Little Secret: The Single Biggest Reason
They Don't Answer Your Emails." and "Beware the Cyber Lothario!"

From the descriptions at Your Sweetheart Store :

Internet Dating’s Dirty Little Secret: The Single Biggest Reason
They Don't Answer Your Emails

If you are like most of my single clients looking for love, one
of your very first questions to me will be "Why don't they answer
my emails?" Much as the dating sites may try to convince you that
it’s because of something you are doing -- or not doing -- at
least 90% of unanswered emails don't have anything to do with you
at all. I figured it out, and now you can know too. Get the
answer to "Why don't they answer my emails?" right here, right
now.

Beware the Cyber Lothario!

The "Cyber Lothario" is one of the lesser known Internet scam
artists. This guy -- or gal -- is not out for money, but is out
to seduce. If you wonder if you have encountered one of these
characters, or if you would like to be able to recognize one if
you do, this is the article for you. Learn about how a "Cyber
Lothario" starts out and then has his or her way with you. While
you love every minute -- at first. Every Internet dater should
read this article.

Normally these articles go for $9.95 apiece. But I think that
everyone should read these articles, even you! So for this issue
only, it's $9.95 for both. Here only!

5. How I Met My Sweetheart and Twelve Lessons I Learned

Nine years ago, right about now, I had just gotten back to
Tallahassee after spending a couple of weeks in Maine getting my
house there ready for summer renters.

While I was in Maine, I had arranged to meet a man from Rhode
Island who I had been emailing and talking to for a few weeks.
(In 1998, even in a good sized place like Tallahassee, singles
online were few and far between -- considering a long distance
relationship made sense.)

I had high hopes for the meeting. This guy seemed great, and
could he ever write and talk! Wow. But the meeting quickly
turned disastrous and I was devastated.

Lesson #1: In the spirit of "When life gives you lemons, make
lemonade," this man was the inspiration for my article "Beware
the Cyber Lothario!" If you want to know how to protect yourself
from the sweet talking Casanova's who are lurking on dating
sites, you need to read "Beware the Cyber Lothario!"

Not only was I miserable, but so was the weather. Tallahassee
was stifling in over 100 degree heat and humidity. I had planned
to go out cruising on the Gulf of Mexico with friends over
Memorial Day weekend, but this Northern girl knew that she would
not be able to tolerate salt water, glaring sun, and heat, so I
begged off. And I hit the computer.

Lesson #2: The best cure for a dating disaster is get back
online and start looking. That last one does not have to be YOUR
last one. Keep looking and contacting.

I scoured Match.com, used a 500 mile radius search, and found six
guys who looked interesting.

Lesson #3: Do not get too focused on any one profile until you
actually hear back and get some communication going. Send out a
bunch of first emails at the same time.on #3: Do not get too focused on any one profile until you
I wrote each a short note and pushed the "Send" button. Six
missives into the cyber winds. And then I waited.

Here's the note I wrote, to StGlass at 10:52am, Thursday, May 12,
1998 -- I know, because a framed copy of my first email hangs in
our bedroom next to our marriage certificate:

"I moved to Florida from Maine seven years ago, and while it is

feeling like home now, it still retains it's foreign feeling.
Check out my profile and see if you are interested."

Lesson #4: Use spell check and proper grammar (it's should be
its) and watch for word repetition (I used "feeling" twice in the
same sentence).

Lesson #5: READ the recipient's profile and mention something to
let them know that you did. Drew had written that he was a
Northerner now living in the South.

Lesson #6: It's okay for women to write the first email. In
fact, men like it. But keep it short and leave it to the guy to
pick up the lead.

I didn't have to wait too long. Around dinner time, StGlass
wrote back. Here was the subject line of his first email:

"Complex and variable Borosilicate Mineral"

Now, what did that mean, you may ask? My screen name was
Tourmaline, Drew didn't know what a tourmaline was, so he looked
it up.

Lesson #7: Pick an interesting screen name and headline. My
headline? "Multiple jewel-like colors, a multi-faceted gem..."
which went right along with "Tourmaline." You only have a split
second to catch the reader's attention. I got Drew's.

Lesson #8: Show your stuff. Drew's subject linesaid a lot: He was
smart, inquisitive, and not afraid to show it.

Lesson #9: No one else in the group responded. A high non-
response rate is NORMAL. Want to know why? Get my article

Drew was interested, but he wrote that he was old-fashioned, and
writing to another lady. He wanted to see what was going to
happen there.

Lesson #10: Watch your email and be ready to respond. DO NOT
WAIT! You don't know how many emails your correspondent has out.
You don't know who is in line before you. Responding quickly and
with some energy lets the reader know that you are serious and
putting time and effort into this project. And keep in mind how
anxiety-provoking it is to wait for a response. Be considerate
of your correspondent and SEND AN EMAIL!

I only have the first couple of paragraphs of his first email --
the rest disappeared in cyberspace. But that leads to:

Lesson #11: Print off ALL your correspondence, what you write,
and what he/she writes back. It will provide a valuable record
that you can check back on (you'll want to know that his/her
story stays consistent). And if things work out as they did with
Drew and me, you'll have a complete record of your online
courtship.

We both kept copies, and now have a note book with all we wrote
to each other before we met in real time and space. Even better:
Drew hand-wrote notes on his copies, so I know what he noticed in
what I wrote and what he thought about it.

I wrote back at 7:56pm, commenting on a few things he had
written, and ended with:

"I like old-fashioned (take your time - you sound nice), but it
doesn't hurt to have more than one correspondence going at the
same time. Keeps everyone on their toes, and hearts may not feel
so bruised by non-replies."

(Lessons #3, 5, 6, 7, and 10 all show up in that paragraph.)

Then, since he said he wanted to pursue the other lady for
awhile, I went to bed.

Lesson #12: Keep the door open. Even if you hear, like I did,
that your correspondent is writing or dating someone else, answer
their note, be kind, and invite them to get back to you if they
wish.

What happens next? You'll have to wait until the next issue of
*eMAIL to eMATE* on June 1!

6. Who is Kathryn Lord?

Kathryn Lord (that's me) is a Romance Coach and psychotherapist
with over 30 years experience in helping singles find love and
happiness. If you want to know more about my qualifications, you
can find lots about me on my website.

I know that you can find the love you are looking for because I
did it myself when I was 48. It was 1998 and online dating sites
were brand new. I was terrified, but I persevered, figured out
the system on my own, and met my now husband Drew. We are a
match for sure.

7. What is Romance Coaching?

When Drew and I met, we were pioneers. Internet matchmaking was
brand new, it was scary, and we had no help. We were lucky. We
were able to make it work.

My goal is to make the whole business easier for singles just
like you. I have spent the last five years learning everything I
could so that I could pass onto you just what you need, right
when you need it.

If you would like to know more about how I could help you in your
search for love, I offer a free first Romance Coaching session.
to set up your own private time to talk to me.

Pass or forward this newsletter to friends or colleagues. You may
be giving them the gift of romance!

Copyright 2007 Kathryn B. Lord. All rights reserved.

The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or
distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word
is changed, added, or deleted, including contact information. You
may not copy it to a web site without my permission.

Reprint information will be freely granted upon request to
student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit educational
organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for
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