50 Ways to BLEEP Your Lover

As much as we all feel that we want a Sweetheart, it is darned scary to actually put yourself out there. So often when I tell people what I do as a Romance Coach, I get responses that sound like, "Oh, that is so interesting, I'd love to hear more about it. I really would like to find a mate, BUT...." and then come a zillion reasons why they haven't or won't.

If you are reading this, you probably are at least THINKING about going looking. But take a half step towards it, and your fears jump forward, ready to trip you and beat you back over the line to safety.

I'll help you with all those things you do that make you stumble on your road to True Love.   That's why I wrote my book "Find a Sweetheart Soon" You aren't alone, as you will see here.   All these excuses, maybe some you have thought of too, came from the readers of *eMAIL to eMATE*.

I want to hear more! any reason that you can think of why you shouldn't go about finding yourself a Sweetie.

P.S.  Want to read more gentle humor aimed at helping you find your Sweetheart?  Read my "Top Ten Personality Traits for Guaranteed CyberRomance Misery"

***Now 165!!! Ways to BLEEP Your Lover!!!***

1. I have to lose a few pounds first.
2. I just started a new job and am too stressed.
3. I just lost my job and am too stressed.
4. I have to pay off a few bills first.
5. I want to wait 'til my kids are out of the house (they are 6 and 10 now).
6. My parents just died and I need to heal for the next 20 years.
7. I have no track record with eligible and appropriate men so why ruin a perfect record?
8. I might get a nibble with the cyberdating thing and then what excuse would I have!
9. Yeah, I may have lost 51 pounds, but I still have 30 to go and I never found the profile that says their ideal date has 5 pounds of extra skin on her belly!
10. I might have to go to funeral in two weeks.
11. I have to shampoo my hair.
12. I have to shampoo my dog.
13. I have to shampoo my carpet.
14. Since my wife left me, I'm not sure whether I'm most attracted to men, women, or animals...
15. I might actually get what I say I want, and then what?
16. But then again, I don't know what I want, so that shouldn't be a problem.
17. I just don't have time right now to get into a relationship. (But of course I won't give up my soaps and romance novels.)
18. It is not the time to try and blend a family.
19. Men can't be trusted.
20. They're already married.
21. If they are nice, they are gay.
22. They are still living with Mom.
23. I sure would like to have a partner, but I like things just the way they are.
24. I'd have to take off my clothes?
25. I want to love and be loved, but that means caring and risking getting hurt, and I don't want to get hurt.
26. I'd never be able to make space in my closet.
27. I don't want to give up my freedom, have to account to anyone.
28. I wouldn't want anyone who would want me.
29. You mean, go on a date? I haven't been on a date in 23 years!
30. I don't have time.
31. I'd have to clean my house.
32. What would I wear?
33. And make my dog sleep on the floor?
34. I have to walk the cats.
35. My library needs reorganizing.
36. I have to cross-index my videos and DVDs.
37. I have to mow the lawn first.
38. My belly button is full of lint!
39. Still healing from a previous relationship breakup (never mind that it has been 4 years!!)
40. My ex wouldn't like it.
41. He says that this time, he'll leave his wife as soon as she has the baby.
42. My roommate is more attractive than I am.
43. I don't have ESPN.
44. My tan has faded.
45. I'm waiting for the sale at Victoria's Secret.
46. Don't have any dress shirts.
47. Women prefer guys with new cars, my car is crumby.
48. I'd have to get a hair cut.
49. I'd have to get a HD tv.
50. When the economy improves.
51. Maybe in the Spring when the weather is nicer.
52. After football season.
53. I'd have to buy new linens.
54. When I get high speed internet.
55. Until the avian flu is stopped, now it's just too risky.
56. He (she) is just looking for a free ride on my wallet.
57. I'm afraid my grown kids will find out someone found me in cyberspace and will want an explanation why I'm always checking my email.
58. I live at home and my parents wouldn't approve me dating right now.
59. My kitchen table is too small.  How can I invite anyone to dinner?
60. I'm too tired.
61. I can't do anything until after the bar exam.
62. It's summer time and I always sweat in the summer.
63. My tattered heart can't stand another break -- its way too painful.
64. The price of gas is way too high to try to get together with anyone!
65. (65 through 75 all submitted by the same person- KL)Everyone I am attracted to is looking for a GQ model (this is LA after all).
66. Most women don't want a relationship to last over a year without a ring ($$).
67. Women are too wrapped up in age differences.
68. Most women's pics and profiles don't match what they are really like in person (in my experience).
69. Most women move to fast in a relationship and escalate it too fast.
70. Women want guys to spend a ton (more than I am comfortable with) of money on them as most women are spend-a-holics and their spending habits are out of line with mine.
71. Women are too focused on clothing, shoes, cologne, jewelry etc. not the person.
72. If you are a guy and don't want kids you are some sort of weird evil demon.
73. Dating in LA in 2006 on line has turned into resume building and job interviews.
74. "Volume dating" has become de rigueur.
75. BBW = average and is fast becoming the socially accepted norm; if you want people to fit the BMI you are seen as "setting unrealistic goals for women."
76. If my church found out I was dating, they would think I was committing adultry/fornication
77. There are no viable bachelors within the faith.
78. I don't want a man to think he needs to "rescue" me from my "misearable" life.
79. I might have to move to a new place.
80. I'm a loser magnet. Been married 5 times; what guy would take a chance with THAT?
81. I'd have to introduce him to the can of nuts that is my family.
82. I look pretty good for my age and attract much younger partners that I find really appealing but it's impossible to keep up.
83. It's really too tiring to be fun and interesting for that long.
84. Even though I'm quite thoughtful and spiritual, it doesn't seem to show and I end up looking shallow.
85. I'd rather spend the money on a better car!
86. My legs and hiney are reverting to my babyhood status. Fat, pink and many folds; trouble is on a baby they are adorable, on a 55 year old woman they are the sign of a long trail ride. I expected some wear and tear, but competing with 30 year old hard bodies is taxing to say the least.
87. My 16 year old son doesn't like me dating as he wants me to re-marry his dad even though he married the "other woman" 5 years ago.
88. I don't get the guy, I just make him better for someone else.
89. I am past the expiration date suggested by the manufacturer.
90. The love police warned me that one more drive-by romance and they would suspend my love license.
91. After 4 marriages I was forced to join a 12 step program for people addicted to wedding cake.
92. I can't be married anymore, I am running out of color schemes and wedding dresses.
93. I'm 37 years old, don't have kids and have never been married. So, there must be something wrong with me."
94. I've never made it in a relationship past Christmas... so I just keep telling myself to wait til after Christmas... every year.
95. My last boyfriend told me I expected too much when I asked him to come visit me 15 minutes away. I'm scared my expectations are too high for anyone.
96. He cheated on me with a girl that had a dog. I'm waiting until I get a dog. A very big dog that likes to bite.
97. I'm scared I'm too neurotic. I'm doing the opposite sex a favor by not putting myself on the market.
98. I'm scared of spider, I avoid spiders. I'm scared of failed relationships, I avoid relationships.
99. My other personalities can't decide on what type of man we should have in our life.
100. In order to try online dating, I'd need some digital pics. This would require a friend to take pictures of me, then for me to load the software for my camera onto my new laptop and to download the pics. WAAAAAAAY too much effort! (This is seriously why I have registered for Match.com, but have not put up a profile!) p.s. I'd like to meet the guy in #72, since I'm the only woman I know who would rather die than have children!
101. Men don't want to date a 56 year old woman with braces on her teeth.
102. Every guy I get involved with wants to get married and have kids--I would rather carve my ovaries out with a spoon. A dull, plastic spoon. Whatever happened to meaningless sex and booty calls?
103. [These next ten are all by the same woman. KL] I'm only attracted to guys much younger than me, but they're not attracted to me (I'm 43), plus they all want kids.
104. I've never wanted kids.
105. I don't want to get married.
106. My cat sleeps on my pillow and I'm not making him move for anyone.
107. My single friends would stop inviting me to do things.
108. He would drink all my beer and never replace it.
109. What if he didn't like baseball?
110. What if he didn't like the Pittsburgh Steelers?
111. The only single guys in San Francisco are 21 or gay or 30, hot and like to play the field and I'm not on the field.
112. Obviously, I'm too verbose.
113. My 5 year old son told me he could have a girlfirend and I could have a BROTHER! You have to pick your battles...
114. Every time I get into a relationship it ends and when it ends i lose 1/2 of what i had before i met her at this rate I will have nothing left when I'm 60
115. My first husband left me for another woman. The second sexually abused my daughter. The third left me because of his "right" to sleep in bed with his own grown daughter. I shudder to think who or what the next one would prefer.
116. There's a pattern on my mother's side of the family. Her mother's brother was single his entire life. My mother's brother was single his entire life. My older sister is married and has a child. Guess who's next in line to be single their entire life?
117. I once tried a coffee date, but all I could think of was my TIVO, my fuzzy slippers and my flannel pajamas, so I decided to stick with what's comfortable!!!!
118. I smoke. Men my age don't date smokers.
119. I'm a radical Christian with modern ideas about roles. Most men are one or the other: Christian Neanderthals or non-Christian men of the world.
120. All men-Christians, too-expect sex to be part of dating.
121. It's tough to fit dating into single motherhood without your kids being around a man (& possibly getting attached). Sitters bail, sometimes at the last minute.
122. If a man pays, he expects sex. If I pay, I can't pay my bills. If we go dutch, he might want to add something to the outing that I can't afford (I get fronted out as budgeted or pressured to spend money I don't have). If everything we do is free or very cheap, I set a too-low mark for my future expectations should the relationship go into marriage.
123. Men start out talking about moonlit walks and other things that sound learned and insincere, expecting a positive response. I'm smarter than that and can't hide my disbelief.
124. I don't own a car. That's a deal-breaker for pretty much every woman in America.
125. I am a young, sexy, healthy, beautiful woman whose fiancé just left her for a smoker.
126. I'm a nice guy. How many women are faithful to nice guys? Or even attracted to them. They may think they are but many are not.
127. I have an STD.
128. I have HIV. I worked in medicine for 20 years, am viral load undetectable and healthy. I'm 50 so how do I go about this winner of a deal? When to bring it up, how?
129. I have social anxiety with panic attacks and agoraphobia.
130. I feel that they will be turned off by my stomach. I am otherwise healthy, however no matter how much excercise I do I have a protrusion which looks unsightly to me.
131. For a long time I have masturbated and I feel I may not satisfy any woman sexually.
132. i have some excuses of my own I'd like to share [These next 12 are all from the same person. KL]. first, I'd like to meet person with excuse #102. she'd be perfect for me! these aren't made up. Here's my first excuse: my relationships throughout life have never lasted more than 2 months. I'm almost 37.
133. i have somebody in another country that expects me to marry her. i don't really want to, but my efforts to find somebody here fail miserably. so i can't decide what to do.
134. don't think my brother and sister would approve of a foreigner wife.
135. never mind my father
136. she doesn't speak English, and i don't speak Portuguese. social settings????
137. i am overly analytical. knowing marriages fail at at 50% rate, why try?
138. men seen to get hosed in a divorce. i have a lot of assets. why does she deserve half?
139. i can't see myself having sex with one person the rest of my life.
140. i am constantly wanting to go where i feel like going, single/wife/kids or not.
141. most women i meet that i like dump me. the ones I'd rather see leave, linger around.
142. i usually meet women that have an amazing sense of aloofness with doing something with their lives. i guess they expect the guy to take care of them the rest of their lives.
143. at least one i do go out with doesn't even drive, and never has. are you kidding me? never mind all the other issues. she thinks her worst issue is her job at a supermarket.
144. i have found amazing ways to screw things up to where it's almost artistic in nature. and if i am lucky enough to "be cool", fate screws things up for me. ( like the person i really liked at this one bar that puked on the way out the door with me- i never saw her again )
145. many a married friend says "don't get married- it sucks!" sound advice? who knows? i have to stop here, this is bad!
146. Nice guys finish last.
147. Why should I look for love at this age when I have never been interested in women before? And if I pursue a romantic relationship with a woman, would it be fair to her?
148. My doggie needs me at home and she doesnt like strangers.
149. (Numbers 149 through 158 all submitted by the same person - KL) I would have to clean the bathroom.
150. At some point he'll see that my B-cup breasts are cosmetically augmented. Their shape and feel are as natural as I could hope, but the incision scars are unsightly.
151. He'll expect me to cook for him. I ldon't own a single piece of cookware and my disposal is broken, so I don't even use the sink. I just stick with the microwave and plasticware.
152. He'll pull out into the open all the insecurities that I can usually stuff deep down into bone marrow.
153. Both my parents have been married 3 times. My father is once again divorced, and my mom is on her way. This does not bode well for my chances at lasting love.
154. I have a respectable career but little money as yet. The men who have lots of money will think I am a golddigger, and the men who have little money would be smart to recognize that together we'd be struggling to stay above water. The men who fall in between seem to shun me as they want double-income families and I would not pull equal weight.
155. I'm an artist and would ideally like a mate who is NOT an artist, and yet who appreciates art, and is emotionally available, and doesn't care about football. And who is straight. !!!
156. I am too well-educated and intelligent. The men who wouldn't be intimidated by this AND can offer interesting conversation themselves -- don't live in my city.
157. I'm too tall. I hate wearing flats.
158. I've been through 7 serious relationships in the last 8 years. I once had the ability to fall naively and whole-heartedly into love, without my hands out to break the fall. Now I'm cynical.
159. i have hidradenitis(a skin disease) and unsightly scars on my inner thighs becase of it
160. [this and the next five are from the same person] I'm divorced and not even close to 30
161. the marriage was only 15 months
162. the ex husband was abusive
163. I live in a small town of 8,000 people - and I'm "not from 'round here" (which is apparently unacceptable)
164. I've slept with exactly one too many people and acquired an STD
165. I am seeking a man who is a generic equivalent of me - educated, ambitious, emotionally mature and stable, financially sound and wants a family - but why would a man with such highly desirable qualities want a woman with a past/present such as mine when he could easily find a woman without my social stigmas?

Do these excuses sound familiar?  My book "Find a Sweetheart Soon!" could help you like it has helped others -- check it out!

This kind of fun (as well as serious articles, news and advice) appears in every article of *eMAIL to eMATE*.