Kathryn's Blog

SAQ #10. How do I figure out what my “market” is?

In the August 1 issue of *eMAIL to eMATE*, I wrote about the need to be realistic about your partner search. You can read that article here. Essentially, singles need to be realistic about what kind of partners they can realistically expect to attract. Otherwise, they are going to end up very frustrated and alone.

Here’s how to establish your market worth: Search your dating site and make a list of at least twenty desirable potential Sweethearts. Go ahead and rank order them, the most desirable first on the list. Then start emailing these folks, five or six at a time, and wait for the results. If you haven’t gotten any responses within a few days, a week at the most, then send out another batch of first emails. If you get all the way through your list and you have gotten no replies, you are aiming too high for what you have to offer. Expand your parameters a bit (easing off the requirements you had in the first round), make another list, and start sending out those first emails again. Once you start getting good, solid responses to your emails, you have determined your market. You are contacting the sort of people who are most likely to be interested in what you have to offer.

Now, this SHOULD be the last step in a thorough preparation. You should have already gotten yourself as ready as possible to find love. My book “Find a Sweetheart Soon!” takes singles through a careful process of getting ready, designed to remove possible obstacles before they are encountered. You should have already mounted a quality profile on the best dating site. I can help you with your profiles, making sure they are attractive in both words and photos. Since your profile is your sole means of attracting your best love, it is crucial that it be the best you can make it. You should know how to craft an appealing first email – your only chance to make a first impression. Have you done these steps?

Let’s talk a little about “expanding your parameters” that I mentioned above. Here are the common mistakes that I see singles making: persistently contacting much younger singles (more often men looking at women 10 years or more younger) despite the lack of responses. Women specifying men over 6 feet tall (only 15% of American men are six feet or over). Getting distracted by “handsome” or “gorgeous” and not even looking at the profile essays. Given that dating sites provide so many possible choices, why would a young woman prefer a man 10 or more years older than she is, unless he had something great to offer in exchange (think “money”)? There are lots of great men who would make wonderful husbands and are between 5 and 6 feet tall (like 85% of available men). Handsome and gorgeous may be nice “eye candy,” but nothing about handsome or gorgeous has anything to do with ability to be a good mate.

To use selling a house as a metaphor for your worth on the dating market, you most likely will get just what the market thinks you are worth. You are most likely to overvalue what you have to offer. It is a bit of a blow to see the reality, but accepting reality is most likely to get you paired up.



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