Kathryn's Blog: CyberCouples and Marriage

Married and Wanting to Fool Around?

KOLR in the Ozarks is doing an investigation of online adultery and the AshleyMadison.com dating site.  AshleyMadison.com, for those who don’t know, bills itself as the site for folks “When monogamy becomes Monotony.”  The site helps married men and women connect to have affairs.

KOLR had a man and a woman list themselves on the site.  Within two days, the woman got 40 messages from interested men.  The KOLR man got none. I’ve heard that the men far outnumber the women on these sites, and the KOLR findings support that.

I’ve written about ol’ Ashley before.  While I cringe at the whole premise, let’s get those married cruisers off the mainline sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Money Money Money Money

If you are single and out of your teens, you are probably either building up some net worth or some net debt.  And if you are single and looking for a mate, you’d better put checking out your potential partner’s net worth and debt too. 

In an article in the Miami Herald, Jodi Mailander Farrell reports that 1/3 of 1,022 people sampled by Fair Isaac Corp said that a “lack of financial responsibility” damaged their relationships more than even infidelity.  And here’s another juicy tidbit: Respondents said more that twice as often that financial compatibility was more important than good sex. 

It’s a good idea to get your finances straight and understandable before you need to explain them to someone else.  Chapter 12 “Traveler’s Checks” of my book “Find a Sweetheart Soon!  Your Love Trip Planner for Women” takes you through taking control of your finances, if you need it. Click here to find out more about my book and how to order.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



Dating Websites Focusing on Results

Internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony are venturing into new territory: Relationship building, marriage strengthening, and divorce prevention. While it is hard to know what is really going on, the first wave of divorces in couples who met on the Net has begun.

According to an article by Ellen Gamerman in the Wall Street Journal. US Census data says the median length of first marriages that end in divorce is eight years. Online dating got started with Match.com in 1995.

Since all marriages have a divorce rate of about 50%, cyber couples divorcing should be no surprise. And actually, I would venture to guess that the marriage survival rate for couples meeting on dating sites might turn out to be better, since the singles get more information up front about a potential partner than in ordinary dating.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


The Pentagon Makes Some Sense

Drew works as a research biologist for the Army Corps of Engineers, and through him, I hear more military shorthand that I need to. There’s ERDC, SWWRP, and CHL, just to name a few. Can’t they call a program by it’s real name? I mean, really! Who’s supposed to remember all that alphabet stuff anyway?

But here are some initials that make more sense: “F. A. C. E. S.” (family background, attitudes, compatibility, experiences in previous relationships, and skills that the individual brings to the relationship) and R. A. M. chart (Relationship Attachment Model). Army chaplains are being trained to use these tools to teach military men and women how to pick a good partner. The program is called, appropriately enough, “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk.”

“F. A. C. E. S.” teaches individuals to study a potential partner’s family background, their attitudes towards life and marriage, the compatibility of the couple, the experiences they have had in previous relationships, and what skills they bring to the union. Makes perfect sense to me. Just like your mother would tell you to do, and then some.

The R. A. M. chart goes further: It suggests “Don’t let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge of the other person.” Is that sane advice or what?

Finally, something that is useful to us all, and from the Pentagon, no less. Well, actually not: The program comes from Dr. John Van Epp. His website is nojerks.com. Hey, if the idea is a good one, use it, huh? Yea, Army!

From Your Romance Coach, Katharine Lord


Want to Get Rich?  Get Married and Stay That Way

You’ve heard the saying: It’s as easy to fall in love with a rich woman as a poor one? Well, it’s all over the media this week: , a person who marries and stays married accumulates almost twice the wealth as someone who stays single or divorces. One reason for the greater net worth of marrieds is simple: It’s cheaper to maintain one household than two. Another is that married folks feel responsibility towards each other and are therefore more careful about their spending.

It would also seem reasonable that it helps to be married AND happy, since folks divorcing start losing worth 4 years before the actual divorce. And getting divorced takes an average of 77% of a person’s worth. Most divorcing folks can testify to that.

I sat in on a lecture by Dr. Chris Peterson today. Dr. Peterson is a leading scholar in the study of happiness and is co-author with Martin Seligman of “CHARACTER STRENGTHS AND VIRTUES: A HANDBOOK AND CLASSIFICATION.” Peterson listed the five traits associated with happiness and life satisfaction across the life span: Love, hope, zest, gratitude, and curiosity. So if you want to increase your chances of happiness and wealth, find someone to love.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



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