Kathryn's Blog

Hard Data on Gender Ratios, Age Ranges, and Site Traffic

Very interesting figures from Mark Brooks’ Online Personals Watch:

Male/Female Quantcast Ratios of Top Dating Properties

MalefemaleOPW—Feb 26th—Here are the male/female ratios, most popular age range, and proportion of visits from ‘regulars’ and ‘addicts.’ Ranking courtesy of Hitwise. Ratios, age range and addiction levels courtesy of Quantcast. ‘100’ represents the ‘internet average.’

1 Singlesnet
Male 112, Female 88, age 45-54, 91% of visits from regulars and addicts
2 Yahoo Personals
Male 114, Female 85, age 45-54, 78% regulars and addicts
Male 116, Female 83, age 45-54, 77% regulars and addicts
4 Match
Male 100, Female 99, age 45-54, 94% regulars and addicts
5 eHarmony
Male 73, Female 125, age 25-34 and 35-44, 95% regulars and addicts
6 Plentyoffish
Male 112, Female 87, age 45-54, 98% regulars and addicts
7 Mate1
Male 97, Female 102, age 45-54, 74% regulars and addicts
8 Blackpeoplemeet
Male 94, Female 105, age 35-44, 96% regulars and addicts
9 Manhunt.net
Male 177, Female 24, age 35-44, 99% regulars and addicts
10 Adam4Adam
Male 170, Female 31, age 35-44, 99% regulars and addicts
11 American Singles
Male 120, Female 89, age 45-54, 82% regulars and addicts
12 Gay.com
Male 171, Female 30, age 35-45, 96% regulars and addicts
13 Hot or Not
Male 122, Female 78, age 18-24, 95% regulars and addicts
14 MSN Match
Male 103, Female 97, age 45-54, 71% regulars and addicts
15 Cupid
Male 110, Female 89, age 45-54, 95% regulars and addicts

How to read this information:

Note that the numbers following “Male” and “Female” add roughly up to 200 for each site.  I read that as meaning for Singlesnet, for instance, that for every 112 men on the site, there are 88 women.  Therefore, the numbers on Singlesnet favor women.

The age ranges are the sites’ most popular, so Yahoo! Personals and Match.com attract heavily from the 45-54 age group, while Hot or Not draws the kiddos at 18-24.

The percentage figures indicate regular visitors vs transients.  So Yahoo! at 78% has much more transient traffic than Match.com at 94%

The sites with very large numbers of men are gay male sites (like gay.com).  (What are those 30 ladies doing doing on gay.com?  Are they real ladies?)

What that means for you:  If you are a man, it would pay you to go to a site that is more heavily female dominated, like eHarmony (73 men to 125 women).  Not such a good site for the ladies.

Look for a site that has large numbers in your age range. 

A high percentage of “regulars” says to me that the site has a loyal and active membership.  With few browsers.  Good news.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



Big Money in Dating Scams

The total dollars that scammers are getting are going up.  First, a story out of Ghana where a man posing as a woman was looking “for a Christian man” to marry.  The scammer knit a convoluted series of stories that eventually got over $150,000 from his American victim.  Read the article to get a sense of what twists and turns were invented to keep the victim paying up.

Then, a Jacksonville, FL, lawyer (48) has made lemonade out of lemons with his new book “How Not to get Burned By Internet Dating and Mail-Order Brides: A Guide for the Potential Victim.”  Anthony Penoso shelled out $75,000 in cash and gifts for his Romanian girlfriend, who literally ditched him at the alter and flew on to California with her new/old boyfriend.  Perhaps the fact that the woman was 26 to his 48 ought to have been a bit of a red flag. 

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Women Outnumber Men on Chemistry.com

From Mark Brooks’ Online Personals Watch:

OPW—Feb 26—Chemistry.com has done a great job of reeling in the ladies. Possibly too good a job. Here’s an email that was sent to Match.com members today. - Mark Brooks

“We have too many women* and we need your help. We created a marketing campaign to attract as many of the most captivating women to our site as possible. And it worked! Actually, it worked so well that our ratio of women to men is way off. So men, come visit Chemistry.com and see what it’s like to have the odds in your favor!  *Disclaimer: We know you see a lot of disclaimers at the bottom filled with all kinds of legal mumbojumbo, however, we just want to use this space to reassure you, we really do have too many women and need your help.”

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


How to get a credit score and reports

From daughter Mishelle:

eloan.com will give you your credit score free, once a year.  Loook under “Tools and Calculators.”

annualcreditreport.com will give you your free credit report, once a year. Have to fill out a bunch of online forms, but you get your free report from each of the three services. It’s highly recommended that we all do this once a year.  One in four people have an error in their credit report.


When to get exclusive

Frequent question from my Romance Clients:  When do you decide to date just one?  When do you take your profile down from the dating site where you met your new Sweetie?  When do you become “exclusive”?

Gets tricky, doesn’t it?  Way back in the olden days (pre-19 when I was a teen ager), I think it was perfectly okay to date more that one person at a time.  In fact, settling down to one and “going steady” was a big deal.  Sometime in the mid-60’s, dating even one person got tremendously serious.  I don’t think I ever went out with more that one person at a time.  Of course, I would never have been mistaken for Ms. Popular. 

Now with the ease of meeting people via the Internet, plus the fact that you really don’t KNOW these people (as in “lived next door to them all your life”), dating more than one at a time makes sense.  First, it can help you put on the brakes and not get too serious too quickly (all to easy to do, especially if you move to being sexual too quickly).  You can “get to know each other” in the information sense—ask questions and get answers.  Dating more than one person can help your feelings of desperation, the “I’d better take this one because I might never meet another” instinct.  Also, more than one at a time means you can screen more candidates.  You’d better have a good memory, though, or a good record keeping system.

I suggest not getting exclusive or promising to do so until you have gotten some basic questions covered, like a reliable relationship history, some verification of the other’s identity (meet his/her friends, family), had a discussion about “Where this relationship is heading” to find if you are both thinking the same things, and even look at such personal matters as finances and health (you certainly want to know if there are any sexually transmitted diseases that you should be aware of).

Here are some other good suggestions that I culled from a recent article on NorthJersey.com :

”...if you find you’re spending more weekends with someone, or hitting milestones, like intimacy or meeting the parents, it’s probably a sign to start eliminating the others.”

“That point, for most people, is sex and intimacy ... Rather than a time limit, go with your gut. If, after one month, you’re seeing more of one person, chances are you’re seeing less of another.  ‘It’s OK to not be exclusive,” Ian Kerner says. “But if you’re at the point that you’re concealing information, that’s when it becomes potentially damaging.’”

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Who Pays Redux

I got this note from a client who has met a great sounding guy on Match.com.  He has asked her out on a real date, and she needs to find a babysitter:

Assuming I get one, and he and I go out, is it appropriate for him to pay for the date? (we’ll probably go out to dinner) I’m no longer sure about any of this. I used to rely on The Rules. And my instinct still says ‘yes, he should pay’. What I bring
to the date will be great care in looking my absolute best, and being there for him as a pleasant, cordial, gracious companion. What do you think? Do you agree?

My answer:

Well, you know what I think of “The Rules” business.  I think frankly that The Rules are insulting to both men and women’s intelligence.  You are a grown up adult and so is he.  And also, you have a hint that he is sensitive to money issues, probably will be looking at how you handle him and the “who pays?” part.  I hear over and over that men do watch this closely. 

Also, I know that you have wanted to be asked out on “a date” and this guy is certainly doing so.  That’s a refreshing change, right? 

Think about how a real grown-up woman would handle this situation.  How about directly?  You could say/write something about how you love being asked on a date, with all that implies.  You could even say that you are going to let him pay, since he did the asking.  (Or you could say “How would you like to handle the ‘who pays for what?’”  Either beforehand, or at dinner.  If at dinner, when it time for the check to come, say “The check will be here soon.  How would you like to handle it?”) 

But then I strongly suggest that you open a discussion on how time together will be financed.  Maybe whoever invites pays, or all expenses are shared?  The first time Drew and I met, he pulled out his wallet for everything and I let him.  But after that time and before the next, I emailed him and told him how much I had enjoyed that part, but that I wanted us to share the expenses of getting together.  Believe me, he was very impressed.  It also gave me power and a say in what happened.

Here’s a link to a Q and A I saw today which is close to this issue, but with a much more oblivious question, and a straight-on answer.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


The Numbers

It’s Good to Know: If You’re Looking for Love on Valentine’s Day

  * For 20-somethings: There are 119 single (never married, divorced, or widowed) men for every 100 single women.

  * For the over-65 crowd: There are 34 single (never married, divorced, or widowed) men for every 100 single women.

  * To find those singles: There are 904 off-line and online dating services in the U.S.

(Source: The U.S. Census Bureau’s “Facts for Features”)

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



I’m not sure how I feel about this site Cranky.com, but here goes.  It bills itself as “The first age-relevant search engine” and seems to be a sub-set of eons.com “50 plus everything” or “My Space for Boomers.”  I did think that the third most popular search “Romantic Weekend Getaways” was quite nice.  But though “cranky” is a cute domain name, for olderster???  Oh, Kathryn, get over it.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Getting Married!

I got this wonderful note in my email box the other day.  What great news, and thanks for giving me some credit, Mary Jane!

I contacted you not to long ago; and, it was right after that I meant my soon to be Husband.

You have been a great inspiration; and, I want to thank you.

I will be getting married on May 18, 2007, to a wonderful man that I knew from high school; and, our paths have crossed many, many times.
We have been together for 8 months; and, when we get married we will be just 3 days from being together for a year. Thanks again.
Sincerely, Mary Jane Zeh


From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


My Blog Stops a Scammer!!!

I’ve wondered about the scamming reports that I have blogged about here.  I have worried that they are too scary for singles, but then I have gone ahead and posted what I have been reading about online dating fraud, because I want you to be able to protect yourselves.  Here’s validation that I am doing the right thing:

This is a post that I put up last June, and then I just got a comment on it from Julie, who this same guy is trying to scam!

Anybody Can get Scammed

WYFF4 ran a story on May 10 describing a classic scam that I’m seeing lots of reports of out of Nigeria.  See the Nigerian connection pieces I have written.

From YOur Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

Ben Coleman contacted Aileen Califano through a dating site.  After spending some time to gain Califano’s trust, Coleman asked for money, which Califano rightly refused.  Then Coleman sent her $3,800 in money orders, which he asked her to deposit in her bank account, then wire the money to Colorado.

Califano was not fooled.  She was sure they were a fraud, and checked.  They were.

Sending phony money orders and asking the receiver to deposit the fake checks and then forward the money to another address is a common scam technique.  In the May 15, 2006, issue of the New Yorker, author Mitchell Zuckoff wrote about how John W. Worley, a Christian psychotherapist, was suckered into a classic Nigerian scam.  If you want to see how a perfectly normal, bright man gets suckered, take a look.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

posted by Kathryn Lord on 06.02.06 at 12.18 pm
permalink | Categories: • Dating Tips • Money Matters • Be Safe • Scams and Scam Protection • Beware! Bad Stories, Bad Advice • 2 Comments
* Comments

Thank you for your story.  I have been talking with Ben Coleman for a few weeks now and he asked me for money today.  I had searched for something on him on the internet for weeks now and found absolutely nothing.  Then today I found your story.  He is on singleparentmeet.com.  He says he lives in Florida.  There has to be some way to make this more public.

Posted by Julie on 02/06 at 01:59 AM

Wow, Julie!  That was close, huh?  I am so glad that what I wrote helped you.  I encourage you to follow up with this guy: Let the dating site know, at the very minimum.  Here’s a link to all my blog posts about scamming and scam resources: https://find-a-sweetheart.com/blog/C48/
Good for you for doing your research!  And what gall he has, repeating his game, and using the same name!  Hasn’t he heard about Google too?

Posted by Kathryn Lord on 02/06 at 09:56 AM

Now, let’s keep things in perspective.  By far, most people on Internet dating sites are normal folks just like you and me who are looking for love and are honest, or at least basically so.  But any technology can be misused, and scammers are figuring out that lonely singles are vulnerable to their whyles.  Keep yourself informed.  I have written extensively about scamming here.  My blog entries are catagorized and you can read all my scamming posts here.


Let’s Cut to the Chase

If you are male and rich or female and hot, you too can apply to get in a speed dating event to be held on February 7 in Manhattan.  In an exaggerated twist on “How to Marry a Millionaire” and with a tipped hat to Darwin, “Natural Selection” could be coming to your town.

An article on ABCNews.com  The criteria are stiff.  Not only must guys pay $500 and women only $30, but also:

A man hoping to snag the woman of his dreams will be judged by pretty stiff criteria. Guys who are 25 and under must make at least $200,000 a year, and men between the ages of 26 and 30 have to bring home $300,000 a year. Over 30? The required income level jumps to $500,000.

Not gainfully employed? No problem. Men who have at least $1 million in invested assets or a $4 million trust fund can apply.

“The man could be worth $2 billion, be 83 years old, and can attend,” said Abelson, who added that men must show proof of earnings or savings to apply.

Ladies, there is only one guideline: beauty.  Five photos are all that’s needed to enter the competition. Education, profession, personality and income will not be considered. 

Over 150 men and 300 women have already applied for the 40 or so slots.

Using another scale, Calgary, Ontario, women who like tall men will have their chance: On Valentine’s Day FastLife will sponsor a speed dating event where all the men have to be over 6 feet tall.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


FINALLY—The Truth Comes Out

In a powerful article aobutabout Online dating in the 1/30/2007 Scientific American (how much more legitimate can you get???), finally, validation of what I have been preaching about for years:

According to Trish McDermott, a longtime spokesperson for Match and now an executive at Engage.com, the confusion over membership ­figures results from the fact that while a large company such as Match might advertise that it has 15 million members, less than a million are actually paying customers. The others have full profiles online—an important marketing draw—but cannot respond to e-mails. This is one of several reasons, according to McDermott, why many paying members get frustrated by a lack of response to their e-mails; the vast majority of people in the profiles simply cannot respond.

Trish McDermott was the “Vice President of Love” (or some such title) at Match.com for years.  In fact, before we met, both my now-husband and I heard Trish on NPR’s “Technation” and were inspired to sign up on Match.com, where we met a few months later.  So, thank you Trish!  On many levels.

See my earlier blog postings (rants?) on this topic:  1/31/07, 3/06/05

This paid/unpaid secret that almost all dating sites have exploited is the worst and most discouraging aspect of online dating.  EVERY SINGLE ONE of my clients asks “Why don’t they answer my emails?”  And NONE have understood the odds of paid/unpaid until I explained it.  On Match.com, the odds are great than 11 to 1 that the person behind the profile has NOT paid.

Non-responses to first emails are very ego-bruising.  Dating sites need to keep in mind that it is extremely easy for people who gather up courage to email a stranger to feel rejected and even crushed.  These folks very often drop off the dating site—and convert to being non-paying!  These are your best customers, dating sites!!!  They PAY!

The reasons that dating sites are set up this way—they allow people to post for free, and the profiles look just like those who have paid—is that then the dating site has more profiles listed and looks busier.  And then, if the unpaid people are contacted by the folks who have paid, then maybe the unpaid people will convert to paying clients. 

However, that means that the paying clients are supporting all the rest, and do not know the full story.  I tell my clients that you know three things about someone who does not respond to you initial email:  They are either rude (because is the polite thing to do to at least send a “Thanks, but no thanks” email to those who put themselves out to contact you) or they are cheap (because they haven’t paid up and are freeloading), or they are both rude and cheap.

Come on, dating sites.  Come up with come kind of system that indicates to everyone who has paid and who hasn’t.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


50 Ways a Winner

Do you know what the most popular page on my website is?  50 Ways to BLEEP Your Lover

I started the “50 Ways” list almost five years ago, when I was a brand new Romance Coach.  I noticed that singles had a great deal of creativity in coming up with reasons NOT to look for love, right now, today.  I asked newsletter readers and website visitors to contribute, and, wow!  Have they!  the “50 Ways” list has now hit 100!

I’ve had a contest going on since the list hit 85. The best new reasons to avoid dating (#85 to 100) would compete for prizes:

The author of the best reason not to start looking for love, as judged by her *eMAIL to eMATE* readers, will win four ½ hour sessions of Romance Coaching with Kathryn and copies of each of Kathryn’s two books “Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women” and “Looking for Action? The Find a Sweetheart Party Planner”  Second and third place winners will a half hour coaching session and copies of her books.  And everyone can sign up for *eMAIL to eMATE*.

You can vote, too, and add a contribution to the 50 Ways list: Pick your #1 choice here.

Have you say!  Vote, and add your favorite reason to avoid finding love!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord




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