Kathryn's Blog

Millionaire Dating and the Yick Factor

I watched the first episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and I have to say that even though I have set the Tivo to tape the whole series, I dunno if I am going to be able to stomach watching.  The Yick Factor was VERY high.

I sorta liked last year’s Confessions of a Matchmaker.  Patti Novak in Buffalo worked with average folks and did what she could to pair them up.  I even sat next to Patti this last fall at a conference.  She’s “just plain folks” herself.  Doesn’t look like A&E has continued the show for another season.  Maybe later.

But Millionaire Matchmaker—oooeee!  These are not just plain folks at all.

Patti Stanger started The Millionaire’s Club in 2000. From the website:  Patti realized that busy, upscale men simply didn’t have the time to go looking for a relationship, weren’t meeting the kind of women that they dreamed about, or were looking for a certain “type” that they couldn’t currently find. These men needed a service where they could be introduced to exceptionally beautiful women in a relaxing, discreet and confidential manner.

The Millionaire Club is based in Los Angeles, and it shows.  Money money money— in exchange for looks looks looks.  The guys?  Puhleeze!  On the first show, one of them made his money selling sex toys online, and the other was in his mid 40’s and wanted to date women in their 20’s.  Even Patti thought the cradle robber was seriously deluded and told him so.  Mr. Sex Toy had to be told to hide the sex toys in his office, but couldn’t be convinced to move the stripping pole there too.

Now, the Millionaire Club staff got together a bevy of gorgeous women for these two to look over—and amazingly enough, none of the ladies left when they found out about the source of Mr. Sex Toy’s money.  They were all coiffed and made up to the 9’s, in teensy dresses that they hung out over on all edges, and were teetering around in high heels.

Both guys pick one for a date, both guys wanted to see the ladies again, and both ladies dropped out.  Glad to see that the girls at lease had some taste.  Mr. Sex Toy and date (Harvard educated, can you believe?) had a nice dinner in a restaurant, then HE TAKES HER BACK TO HIS PLACE AND DOES A DANCE ON THE POLE FOR HER.  At least he kept his clothes on.  Minus for her that it took her a couple of more dates to say “No thanks.”

Mr. Cradle Robber took his date out on what looked like a huge yacht with its own crew.  Even though she said she’s see him again, she didn’t return his calls to set up the date.  Bully for her.

I’d like to know what y’all think of these millionaire matching sites.  Do they creep you out like they do me?


How to spot a liar, con man, and character disorder

When we got our new satellite tv system, we got a dvd recorder as part of the package, like a Tivo, and boy, do I love it!  Finally, like the answering machine tamed the telephone, the tv is now our servant, rather than it feeling the other way around.

I set it to automatically record various shows like Nova and Nature that we like—and also, Oprah and Dr. Phil.  I don’t watch all of the Oprah and Phil shows, just delete those that have no interest.  And frankly, a lot more of Oprah gets zapped.  Because I fancy that Dr. Phil and I are in the same business and I like to see how he handles things.  Sometimes he is good, a few times, very very good.  Often so-so (I feel good in comparison), sometimes down-right bad.  Then I can’t stand to watch and just zap the whole business.

What I have gotten the most from Dr. Phil has been accidental: I get to watch show after show of people lying and evading the truth, close up.  Sometimes Phil does pretty well at pinning those folks to the wall.  It is impressive. 

If for no other reason than to train yourself to spot liars, watch Phil regularly.  Very cheap and effective training.

The best show I have seen yet for “putting pathology right on the screen” was shown on 12/31/2007.  Probably a pretty dead day for viewers, but I taped it and watched a few days later.  If you want to see a character-disordered con man, super-slick, you have GOT to see this show.  The show is called “Faking it?”  There’s a writeup and slide show available online, but if I were you, I’d buy the video for $29 which you can through the website.  It’ll be worth every penny.  The skillfulness of this guy does not come through in the write-up.

Being about to spot character disorders was the most difficult part of mental health diagnosis for me.  (I’m a professional therapist, have been for 30 years.)  The short definition that works for me is that “Normal neurotics,” folks like most of us, feel too much responsibility and too much guilt.  Those who are character disordered don’t feel enough responsibility or enough guilt.  The jails are full of character disordered folks: “I didn’t do it.”  Higher functioning character disordered folks can do very well in things like politics, even get elected president (or in present case, vice president).

If you can get a copy of this show, just watch Fred slip and slide, or at least try to, while he evades getting pinned down in lies and inconsistencies.  Phil does pretty well keeping up with Fred, but you can tell that Fred simply doesn’t get Phil’s side of the discussion, he is so character disordered and convinced of his view of the world. 

Then, for dramatic contrast, stay tuned for the second guest, Linda.  While Linda too is a con and deeply disturbed, she is not character disordered.  She knows what she does is wrong, feels guilt, and wants to change.  Far different than the way Fred presents.  As crazy as Linda’s behavior is, you can feel some empathy for her. 

Not Fred.  People like Fred make the rest of us feel crazy.  They are master manipulators.  Watch Fred carefully to see how a good one does it.



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