FAQ #9 There are no good men/women where I live. Why should I even try?
My goodness, that sounds hard to believe, especially given that the U. S. Census says that 43% of Americans over 18 are single. Let’s look at why you might be thinking that:
Do you live in a remote, sparsely populated area? Sometimes, facts are facts. The fewer the people and the greater the distance, the less likely it is that there will be singles at all, let alone ones you would like who would also like you.
Are you so firmly rooted in where you live that you will not consider moving, maybe even from your own home? I’ve worked with a number of people who, for various reasons, including family obligations, career, financial limitations, rigidity, or just plain taste, will only look in a tightly circumscribed geographical area.
Are you so specific – and narrow – about who and what you are looking for that no eligible singles are left? If you have decided, right down to hair and eye color (which dating sites allow and encourage you to do), what you are looking for, you may have eliminated every single possibility.
Have you overestimated your value on the mate market? It’s a natural human tendency to overestimate our own worth. The statement “There are no good men/women where I live” implies that you think you are better than what you actually may be. Rather unattractive, don’t you think?
If indeed, you live in a remote area – and perhaps can’t or will not move, you have a big problem. Your only hope is to search wide and hope that you will meet someone who will come to you. If you live in a beautiful area, perhaps you can entice a Sweetie to move there. Try a site like FarmersOnly.com Then open the search criteria you are using as far as possible. For instance, if your ideal is between 32 and 36, widen the age range to 28 to 45. You’ll catch more folks in your net.
Consider moving to (or at least searching in) a more “target rich” area. If you were a moose hunter, you wouldn’t go to New York’s Central Park to bag game. Conversely, if you live in the willywags and are looking for love, Central Park would provide a much better hunting ground.
Widen, widen, widen your eyes and your search criteria. Minimize the number of factors you use in your dating searches (perhaps to gender, age, and a wide geographical circle – like 100 miles from your zip code), and see who falls into the search. If it is hundreds, then good! You have plenty to pick from. You can even narrow the criteria a bit to cut down on the numbers – perhaps you eliminate all smokers (only about 25% of Americans now smoke). Then start contacting your results. Those who respond to you are your market. If no one responds, you have probably overestimated your worth. Widen your criteria again, sending out those first emails, until you have a nice pool of interested candidates.
In truth, there are lots and lots of wonderful men and women – just like you – who are ready for love and looking. Your job is to figure out where they are and then be able to recognize them when you find them. Do not be fooled by a pretty picture or the “not perfect” profile. Look for character and readiness, and most of all, how they respond to you.
