Kathryn's Blog

More Info From and About PerfectMatch.com

PerfectMatch.com has added new bells and whistles.  They’ve
developed what they are calling Duet(R) Analysis Profile.
Probably using more testing (Argh!  Don’t we all LOVE those
looong personality tests?), PerfectMatch then coughs up more data
for those looking for a mate: In addition to the basic details
(location, age, occupation) the site also identifies the person’s
values and ideals, does a “Life and Lovestyle” descrition, and
analysizes personality factors (risk-taking, intensity and pace,
outlook on life, and variety).  All look good.  I’d love to have
that info if I were actively looking right now.

PerfectMatch gets mixed reviews, from me and others.
Particularly for women, because the gender ratio is so bad: At
least 2 women for every guy.  Of course, that’s good for the men-

This also points to the importance of taking those questionnaires
VERY seriously.  TAKE YOUR TIME if you sign up for a site that
uses them.  Do not rush through the process!  It’s your future.
It’s important.  Go slow.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


We Love Love Stories LSU Version

In an article about Internet dating for TigerWeekly.com, a student run newspaper for Louisiana State University, Jessica Salsiccia writes about two happy Baton Rouge couples who met online.  Amy and Dave met on Match.com.  They had their first non-date at a coffee shop, then a “real date” when they found that they clicked.  “We never get tired of each other,” Amy says. And why try Internet dating?  “Why limit yourself to just the people you run into in person when you always run into the same people everyday anyway?”

Pat and Jay met on Match.com, too.  They dated for a year and a half before getting married.  Pat says about online dating “You’re choosing who you want to talk to.  It’s great for people who have trouble meeting people.”

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Want to date Charlie Sheen?  NOT!

Oi!  Another good reason to avoid the sites that promise to hook you up with a millionaire: Charlie Sheen is looking for love through MillionaireMatch.com. You may remember Charlie as one of the clients of the “Hollywood Madame” Heidi Fleiss.  Read here what I have written previously about such sites.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Romantic Date Ideas

Here’s one creative guy: Ben Jefferies surprised his cyber love with breakfast for two at her train station in Banbury, England. On Valentine’s Day, he’d emailed Phillippa O’Donnell to go to the post where a bouquet was waiting for here.

Not only is the fella romantic, he’s got a good palate. Here’s the menu: Oysters, fruit, Champagne, coffee, and croissants. Yum. On more than one level.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Giving New Meaning to Traffic Jam

Ben Philips has started a new website (with variations to follow) called www.FlirtinginTraffic.com. If you’ve ever seen a cute someone in another car and wished you could meet, here’s the way to do it.

You register at the site, create a profile (pretty standard up to this point), and then you get a sticker in the mail for your car with a member number on it. Then if you see somebody interesting who has a numbered sticker on THEIR car, then you write it down and send them an email through the site.

Philips is in Pennsylvania, and for now, that’s where most of the members are. But hey, why not? Best of all, for now it’s FREE. That’s a price that can’t be beat. Use it in combination with your listing on one of the big sites like Match or Yahoo! Personals.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


“How optimistic is that? Part 2

Just a little over a year ago, my 81 year old mother (she’s now 82) got married for the second time.  She and her new husband George (86) rented a cottage on the beach for their honeymoon, and had such a nice time that they made reservations for the following year to celebrate their first anniversary.  They just got back from honeymoon #2, again had a wonderful time, and reserved the cabin for next year!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Has Anyone Seen “Boynton Beach Club”?

Just saw a review for what looks like a fun movie about romance for the over 50 crowd. I haven’t seen it yet. Has anyone out there caught it? Let’s hear some comments…

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Dating Websites Focusing on Results

Internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony are venturing into new territory: Relationship building, marriage strengthening, and divorce prevention. While it is hard to know what is really going on, the first wave of divorces in couples who met on the Net has begun.

According to an article by Ellen Gamerman in the Wall Street Journal. US Census data says the median length of first marriages that end in divorce is eight years. Online dating got started with Match.com in 1995.

Since all marriages have a divorce rate of about 50%, cyber couples divorcing should be no surprise. And actually, I would venture to guess that the marriage survival rate for couples meeting on dating sites might turn out to be better, since the singles get more information up front about a potential partner than in ordinary dating.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


KnockKnock Joke

I find the funnest things online.

The info in “‘Rules’ on dating return in new forms,” along with the tasty tidbit that one of the co-authors of “The Rules” Ellen Fein is now divorced, also led me to follow a link to an oddly practical and hilarious site called www.KnockKnock.biz

You’ve got to take a look. All of KnockKnock products seem thoroughly tongue in cheek, and a one note symphony to boot. But I HAD to order “The Dating procedural Kit” which just came in the mail. It’s a stitch.

While the price tag may be more than you want to pay for a giggle ($25.99 for the kit, $7.30 postage = $33.29), believe me it is FUNNY, and eerily, useful. The inside cover starts with “A Brief History of Dating in the Western World,” then moves to the official-looking “Procedural Dater ID Card, and then countless forms to facilitate your dating life. Included are the Dating Dossier tracking system, Exchange Forms for Contact Information, Relationship Resume forms, and date feedback cards. Wait, there’s more: Notice of Non-Exclusivity, Sexual Release, and then the Exclusivity Agreement.

So if you want a laugh, or a fun gift, go to KnockKnock.com and take a look at the “Kit.” And be prepared too to seriously consider using some form of the forms. Hey, it’s a useful idea!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Match.com, Internet Dating, and “The Rules”

Did you know that Match.com and the controversial book “The Rules” both came out in 1995? Just about everyone one of my female clients (and virtually all of them are strong, independent working women used to running their lives) seems to have read “The Rules” and then gotten thoroughly confused.

Internet dating sites have thoroughly trashed The Rules, thank goodness, and Ladies and Gentlemen, be on notice. Women do not have to play the extraordinary coquettish games that “The Rules” suggested.

Dating sites put men and women on an even keel. I ALWAYS encourage my female clients to look around and contact men they find interesting. After all, you are much more likely to get what you want if you do the picking. And an Israeli survey noted that women never make the first move 25% of the time, but a shocking 34% of men never do! Can you believe it???

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

Now I do think that women have to be careful to let men do some pursuing. But I also think that it is not smart for a woman to leave all the “getting in touch” to the guy. It is just too risky.


Nice Things Come in Envelopes

While we have learned to both love and hate email, the best way to send a love letter is the old-fashioned way, on paper, hand-written, and in an envelop. Jill Brennan, a love letter expert, got in touch with me by email (well, she wasn’t sending ME a love letter, so that was okay) and offered up the following for my readers. If you have ever been at a loss for how to put your loving thoughts and feelings on paper, Jill has her way with words:

How to Write a Love Letter in 6 Easy Steps
by Jill Brennan

You want to tell your partner how you feel about them but you end up staring at a blank screen for so long you give up. Or you try a few lines only to delete them all and start over. Again. Why is it so hard to tell the loved one in our life exactly what they mean to us? Do you struggle to find the words to properly convey how you feel? Or is it that you just can’t explain it? Don’t let words get in the way of telling your loved one how much they mean to you.

Everyone wants to be loved. When you are busy living life, there never seems time to slow down and really savour that central relationship that makes it all worthwhile. Oftentimes we think that those closest to us know exactly how we feel about them and how important they are to us. But the sad reality is that often they don’t.

So how can you write a love letter that you will feel proud to give and one that your loved one will cherish for all time? Where do you start? Follow these easy tips below and you’ll be on your way in no time.

1. First write down 5 things that you love about your partner and be as specific as possible. Rather than writing that they are kind, instead be detailed about how they are kind. Perhaps they always smile at waiters in restaurants or they are great at making people feel included, especially at parties.

2. Write down 5 things that they have done that confirms how much you love them and again, give examples. Perhaps they enveloped you in a hug last night when you were feeling frustrated about your family. Or maybe they knew how disappointed you were when you missed out on that promotion and they cooked a special meal to cheer you up.

3. Pick the best three examples from each of the above categories and weave them into your letter. You could start by saying “I love how you…” and then include the three examples from the first point. Then you could say something like “I loved the way you…” and then mention the other examples. Make semphasizemphasise how their actions made you feel, how loved you felt and how grateful you are to have them in your life.

4. It is best to write up a draft first and then go over it to see if you can improve it. Sometimes it helps to write up what you want to say, edit it until it flows well and then leave it for a day or two before going back for a final edit and polish.

5. Buy some special paper and write out your letter. Don’t worry if your handwriting isn’t perfect—it’s distinctly yours and your loved one will appreciate the time and effort you put into the letter. If you feel your writing is so bad it will be difficult to read or if your illegible handwriting is something you’ve argued about before then pay to get it hand written by a professional. At a stretch you could use a more romantic font on your computer, say Garamond in italic, but you should really only do that as a last resort. The more personal you can make your letter the more your loved one will treasure it.

6. Think about how you plan on delivering this letter to them. Will you slip it in their briefcase? Mail it? Leave it under the pillow? Do you want to be there when they open it? If you want to see their reaction, then it is best to hand it to them. You could team the letter up with a small gift like flowers or chocolate but make sure the gift doesn’t diminish the letter as you want that to be the main focus.

If a birthday or anniversary or other special occasion is involved you’ll want to include mention of that too.

If you’re still not sure you’re up to writing your own love letter, don’t worry. Jill Brennan has written a range of great easy-to-use love templates that you can use as is or incorporate into your own unique letter. To find out more visit the love letter website.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Interesting Online Dating Stats

Buried in an article on azcentral.com are some interesting stats:

eHarmony says 16,500 of their clients married in the year ending August 2005.

According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, “an estimated two million married Internet users met their spouses online.”

Also quoted is Anna Murray, who used her therapist to review profiles of possible mates. Her current husband passed both of their judgments.  That’s a great idea, and something I regularly help my clients with, screening potentials through their profiles, helping read between the lines.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Valentine’s Gift of a Different Sort

This is a story filled with ironies.

A police office in Melville, NY, named Michael Valentine has been indicted which include 21 felony charges including stalking, computer tampering, and aggravated harassment. Police report that he was suspended in mid-February because of the investigation. Happy Valentine’s to Valentine? What’s more mid-February than February 14th?

Apparently, Valentine met a woman on Match.com in November and they dated for about six weeks before the relationship ended. It’s not clear who ended the dating or if it was mutual.
But evidently, Valentine got P. O.‘ed, because he hacked into her Match.com account (which she had closed), re-opened the account and paid the fee, then contacted about 70 men indicating interest. Valentine’s ex knew nothing about the happenings until men started showing up at her home, expecting a date.

According to Match.com, no one can access an individual’s account unless the individual gives out his or her password, or unless the hacker manages to guess it. In this case, the woman had used her dog’s name, which made it easy for Valentine.

The lessons: Even policemen can be dangerous. And pick your password carefully, and then protect it.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


We Love Love Stories, April 2006

Here’s a great story that traces how a couple got together in a chat room. Though the story does not give dates about when they met, it sounds as if it was in the early Internet days. Maybe Match.com didn’t even exist then (Match started in 1995).

Generally, I don’t recommend chat rooms as meeting places, but for this couple, it worked. So hey, all right!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Want to Get Turned On?  Take Tango Lessons

I’ve been hearing from my clients that tango classes are the place to go for singles. They don’t have to convince me: I’m sure that nothing turns a woman on like a man who can dance. And I’ve written about it, too. See below.

Tango is the ultra ultra sexiest of dances, and the craze seems to be spreading. Read this article in the Post Independent to get a real feel for what dance evenings can be like.

Men: The numbers are terrific. Male dancers are always in demand. Go. Take lessons.

Women: What a wonderful way to experience your femininity. If you are tired of being the boss, take an evening in a dance studio and learn to be led.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

Become a Babe Magnet without Surgery or Drugs!

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

“I’d like to find a partner who dances. Do you?” my profile on Match.com asked. My now-husband Drew emailed that he was willing to take lessons, and that was enough for me.

Non-dancer Drew’s courage to put himself out on the dance floor and to show in lesson after lesson his amateur status was truly impressive. We took private dance instruction for a year before our wedding, and as a result, got around the dance floor quite gracefully at our reception.

Women are dying to dance. Any man who can ask a woman to dance, then take charge of what happens on the floor and move relatively smoothly to music, has enormous appeal. Fat or skinny, short, tall, or not even close to attractive, even old, old, old, a man who is comfortable on the dance floor has his pick of the ladies.

For whatever the reason, dancing intoxicates. Especially women. Few men can really dance, and those guys are on the floor constantly. Some men think they can dance and do get up, ask the ladies, and have fun. But at least half the men sit or stand uncomfortably on the sidelines with all the women who wish to be on the dance floor.

We women don’t get to dance nearly as much as we’d like to, even the ladies who are good dancers. There aren’t enough dancing men to go around. You can almost feel the yearning, the sadness, and the disappointment in those women and between those non-dancing couples. And the non-dancing guys? Pathetic.

I personally know three women close to my age who met their now - spouses on the dance floor, and those ladies were great catches! Gentlemen and ladies, there’s a message here.


1. Take lessons and learn how to dance. Leading well takes skill, but if Drew could learn how, so can you.
2. Go to dances.

3. Ask women to dance. Lots of women. They’ll love it. Even if you aren’t so good, they’ll appreciate your efforts.

Dance lessons themselves are good places to meet women, and most dance studios have regular parties for their students to practice what they have learned.


1. Take dancing lessons yourself and learn how to follow. Here I was, 50 years old, thinking I loved to dance, and I had no idea how to do the woman’s part! Following takes skill! You have to figure out what your partner has in mind for you to do in a split second, and then actually do it, all while dancing backwards.

2. Buy yourself some real ballroom dancing shoes, maybe with high heels. Believe it or not, those shoes are comfortable. They have to be. Not only do they look very sexy, they stay on your feet!

3. Hang out at dances, too, if you like to dance. Single guys go to dances.

If you are connected to a dance studio, other single women will be at their parties as well as the studio instructors and male students, so you will know people. Dance parties are safe and comfortable for single women. Guys—nothing enhances as man’s romantic marketability more than becoming a decent dancer. Learning to dance is cost efficient and relatively painless. No surgery or blood loss, no sweaty hours at the gym, no personality makeovers needed. Just dance lessons. What’s stopping you? Look up the dance studio nearest you and make that call!

You’ll become a dancing babe magnet!


Uh Oh…Dating Sites Have Troubles

eHarmony has a suit pending.

John Claasen is suing eHarmony because they refused to match him after he had spent two hours filling out the matching survey. eHarmony routinely refuses to match married folks, and Claasen is not yet divorced, just legally separated. Claasen asserts that eHarmony is discriminating against him because of his marital status, which may indeed be breaeaking California’s civil code, section 51.

PerfectMatch has unresolved complaints filed with the Washington state Attorney General’s office and the local Better Business Bureau gives PerfectMatch an unsatisfactory rating.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Google Plays April Fool’s Joke

Two sharp-eyed readers sent me Google’s April Fool’s joke, which seemed so plausible that I fully believed it and went searching around on the site.  and tell me, doesn’t it seem like the next step in online dating?

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



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