Kathryn's Blog

Questions to Ask: About Divorces

My last posting has gotten me thinking about the important questions for singles to ask potential partners.

From a reader:

Twice I’ve been caught by, “My wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce, but she’s living upstairs and I’m living downstairs.”

“Hey, big guy, before we go out, can I see the divorce papers?”

From your Romance Coach:

Here are some more—

When was your divorce final?
Where are you living?
Where is your ex living?
How long have each of you lived there?
What is your current relationship with your ex?

If it is in any way not clear that the divorce is final—

What are the divorce laws in your state?
Has your lawyer advised you about getting involved with another person before your divorce is final?
Have you thought about the possibility that your soon-to-be-ex (we hope) could use your romantic involvement with me or anyone else against you in the divorce? A few states still have"Alienation of Affection” as grounds for suit against the romantic partner.

This poses a real dilemma, particularly for women. Soon-to-be-divorced men (women, too) will often “Jump the gun” and try to date before the divorce is final. In their minds, the marriage is over, but not in the eyes of the law. Divorced men often really like being married and are great candidates for re-marriage. They will be looking for, as well as be looked over by, single women. Insisting that the divorce be completely over may mean that the guy (or gal) is already paired up. I interviewed a woman just yesterday who was in that exact dilemma, and chose to"soften” on her own rule of “The guy must be completely divorced.” They sound like a committed couple after 3 years together, but she was sure if she had waited until he was fully legal, he would not be available. On the other hand, you risk getting caught up in the fray.

What are other questions you’d like to ask a potential partner about his/her divorce?

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



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