Kathryn's Blog

The Sigh, with a P. S. Wow wow!

After warning Kevin that is a book for women getting ready to date, I sent him the copy he requested. It does seem that Kevin read the book and thoroughly combed through my blog, which any reader knows is CRAMMED with free information about just about anything related to an older single’s search for love. Here’s part of Kevin’s email back:

Unfortunately after reading your book and blogs nothing you have said has spoken directly to my heart. Specifically you are going to tell me (SAQ #10) that as a “older man” that I have unrealistic expectations seeking out a younger women. I also have either tried or are still trying many other online dating sites (Christian or “mainstream”) with either no response or a much lower class of women then I am looking for. As far as going to churches, in every case the women I asked out either was already in a relationship or was moving away and did not want to do “long distance”. Most of the rest of the women including most women “my age” (I am 38) I do not find attractive. I believe I deserve better and don’t feel that unless I get it that I would be happy in a relationship anyway.

And my response:

Hmmm. That’s an interesting reaction, Kevin. It’s got me thinking and I am going to write an article on what you wrote for the next *eMAIL to eMATE* that will come out today or tomorrow. Unfortunately, there is often a big discrepancy between what people want, are attracted to, and what they think they deserve, and then what they can actually GET.  Sounds like you are in that place. Your choices are to improve yourself and what you have to offer enough so that what you have to offer you can trade for what you want, or adjust what you want to what you can get.  There is no “magic site” or matchmaker who can do that for you.

Kevin is complaining about one of the biggest mistakes that I see singles making in their search for love: overestimating their value on the mate market, then becoming frustrated as a result. Then these folks cling to what they want, are attracted to, and think they deserve, and go on an odessy to find the magic dating site that will give them what they are looking for.

I get the same question over and over: “What’s the best dating site for me?” News flash: There is no such site. Pick the site which most clearly aims at what you are trying to achieve, then work it and accept the results. Readers know that my favorite is Match.com: Really big, really clean, really successful. And the same complaint: “Why can’t I find quality (attractive, high class, well-educated, wealthy, tall, skinny, etc., etc.) men/women?” News flash: There are lots of people with some of those qualities, very rarely ones with all of those qualities, and why would they be interested in you?

So given Kevin’s critique, and even though he had read SAQ #10. How do I figure out what my “market” is?, it would be helpful to him and everyone else to have a bit of a refresher. Plus, SAQ #9 How realistic should I be about what I am looking for? is the logical lead in to SAQ #10.

P. S.  Wow wow! Look what I just got from Kevin:

You are correct. And my choice is to “upgrade myself” to get what I really want. I will not accept a relationship that in the short or long run won’t make my happy. Their is no “magic” in life, just hard work!!

Now, there is practical and realistic. Congratulations, Kevin! Good work.



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