Kathryn's Blog

Winners Never Cheat

And cheaters never win—have you heard that one?  Evidently, not everyone believes it, since cheating of one sort or another is pretty common.  One reason people cheat is because they can: Folks are much more likely to lie or cheat if they think they can get away with it. 

The Internet (and Internet dating) has oddly made it easier to cheat and easier to get caught.  The seemingly private nature of your computer, sitting alone and typing messages onto a machine, encourages people to bend the rules if they think it will suit them.  It’s a vicious circle: Online daters hear and experience the lies and distortions of other singles online, so they often feel that they have to lie too, just to stay competitive. 

If you are trying to find a mate online, lying is totally a losing game.  For absolute sure, don’t say anything in your profile or early conversations that will make you out to be a liar at your first meeting!  An out-of-date photo is the most common sort of lie, or shaving pounds off your weight or adding inches in height.  People get angry when they think you are trying to trick them, and most do not want to continue a relationship with someone who clearly lies.  Do not lie!  It is not worth the risk.

People who lie are getting caught in other ways than by sight at the first date.  Many folks now know how to do background checks for criminal records, divorce records, house and land ownership, and they do them—routinely.  Often my clients tell me things that they have found out about potential dates.  Other sources of information are Google (common practice to Google someone’s name to see citations), sites like DontDatHimGirl.com (where women can post “reviews” of men they have dated, using real names and photos), and even dating sites (like Consumating.com, whose charming tag line is “A new way to find people who don’t suck”—read about a Consumating user’s dreadful experience here).

Don’t lie, distort or evade in general, because if you do, you will know it, even if your date/partner does not.  You will be worried that he/she will find out, what you will do when they do, and your secret will get in the way of your relationship’s development. 

And not only don’t lie: Behave yourself, too.  Bad behavior can get you bad reviews.  As easy as it is just not to answer an unwanted email approach, on some sites, it can get you branded as rude. 

Just as I said at the beginning of this post, people are more likely to lie or cheat if they think they can get away with it.  Don’t get lulled into thinking your online (or offline) behavior is private.  Not anymore.  Folks are watching, even if you can’t see them doing it.

From Your Romance Coach,

Kathryn Lord



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