Kathryn's Blog

Good First Date - Then NOTHING!

We’ve all heard ad nauseam the “bad first date” stories, but what about the “good first date” stories that then go nowhere?

We all assume that a great first date is the preamble to a better second date and third, maybe a life-long partnership. I’ve heard from my romance clients (and my own experience) of what felt like a fabulous first contact, then ... nothing. What HAPPENED?

Well, of course, if we hear nothing at all, we don’t know what happened. But here are some possible scenarios:

  • Your date died on the way home. Very slim likelihood.
  • His/her computer blew up. Somewhat more likely than death, but not much.
  • He/she had a panic attack at the possibility of a real live relationship and went into a major retreat. Fairly likely.
  • He/she is as overcome by the first date as you are. He/she is wondering if you liked him/her, and waiting to hear from you. Neither of you make the first move. If you are paralyzed, there’s a good possibility that your date is, too.
  • If you make the first move/contact, that makes the terror even worse. Yup.
  • Regardless of the good time, something in the experience “struck a chord” in the other that was disturbing, for their own reasons. I had an instant turn off to one of the dates I met, and it took me days to figure out that he walked like my ex-husband. This reason for no contact is highly likely.

Mostly, you just don’t know what’s going on in the other’s mind. But here’s what you do know:

  • For some reason, they haven’t got the guts or the common courtesy to say “Thanks, but no thanks,” or to offer some kind of explanation. Unless they are dead.
  • Computer problems? Major mistake if the two of you have no other way to get in touch. Lesson: End the first date with some kind of plan to be in contact, with at least a couple of means to do so, like telephone numbers AND email.
  • Maybe they are terrified. Maybe they are cowards. Maybe they are rude. Maybe they are incredible actors and were faking the “first date” magic. But you are getting a huge piece of information: the closeness and good time you experienced resulted in your date’s major retreat. If he/she retreats at this point, then future closeness will likely result in further retreat.
  • While most singles are interested, ready, and capable for intimacy and closeness, not all are. After all, some singles are single because they can’t build or tolerate an intimate relationship. Even though they think they want one. Your date may have been one of those.

Use the information your date is giving you and say “thank you” to the universe for letting me know so soon.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



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