Kathryn's Blog

gk2gk Daters REALLY Don’t Look At The Pictures

If you hate the fact that most online daters and dating sites rely heavily on pictures to make their first decisions on who to contact, you might like a site like http://www.gk2gk.com/. I found out about Geek 2 Geek from a “Dear Ellie” column in the Chicago Sun Times A guy wrote to Ellie about his lack of experience with women at age 34 because of his geeky appearance. He’s now met a woman through Geek 2 Geek, a dating site that does not have photos at all. Here’s what Geek 2 Geek says about their site:

Geek 2 Geek - find your geek match on this site. Whether you’re looking for romance or just friendship, this is the place to hook up. There is no appearance information on profiles (no pictures either), true geeks just don’t care about looks. Besides, our experience tells us that most people lie about their looks on other sites. Looks are not how our members form relationships.

There’s a GREAT Top 10 Reasons why geeks make the best match. Looks to me like they make some terrific points.

Like most niche sites, Geek 2 Geek seems to have a very small membership base. I did searches for men looking for women and women looking for men, ages 40-60, within 500 miles of my zip code. Only one woman showed up ... But here’s the good news: 12 guys made the cut. Now the first one was a married lawyer, so that’s not so cool, but, hey. And all those 12 fellas would love to see more women sign up—and no photos!!!

Geeky or not, after you read the Top Ten Reasons for picking a geek, you might want to consider one!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


FarmersOnly.com—I love it!

I’ve lived country and know what it is like to see few if any prospective partners ever. So I just love what FarmersOnly.com is attempting to do: Hook up rural folks who have little time to date, let alone travel any distance to find a Sweetie. But this site and these poor singles definitely have an uphill battle on their hands. I just did a search “woman seeking man” with no other parameters, and 421 men showed up. Some of them looked pretty good, though most had no pictures to prove it.

But they are scattered all over everywhere! Ontario seems the best represented, but most are hither, thither and yon: North Dakota, Vermont, Virginia, Minnesota, Washington, Georgia, Indiana, Ohio. Almost all farm, and do it most of their waking hours. The women seem a little more transportable—some live in towns or cities, but have rural roots or yearnings. But some of the ladies farm themselves: One has a herd of 430 alpacas!

If you are yearning to “get close to the land,” whether you are male or female, this site may be for you. But it’s going to be hard to get any of these folks who are farming already to come to meet you. Likely, you’ll have to do the traveling.

I’d suggest to these farmer bachelors and bachelorettes what they probably already know: They need to make time and space for mate-finding, and then relationship building. If your life is so full and rigid that you can’t even figure out how to make time to date, how do you expect to find someone? And if you do, you are hoping/expecting that this person drop their lives and adopt yours. Pretty big request.

And FarmersOnly.com listers: Y’all need some help with those profiles! Get a picture up, any picture is better than none! And use your spell check! Women, lots of your writings sounded jaded and pessimistic. Not too many fellas would be attracted to:

Tired of games - want to spend time with a man that doesn’t play games, doesn’t smoke regularly, doesn’t do drugs, ...


I am recently divorced and tired playing the ping pong game with the ex. He gave me the country life then took it away f ...

I do profile reviews and shape ups—they are a bargain at $99! See the comments below from one of my satisfied customers. It’ll help, I guarantee it!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

Kathryn, I am really happy I found your site and your help. I get compliments from men on my new profile wow. What a boost. Today a guy wrote to me on my ‘Yahoo’ personals .... “I noticed your profile and picture while entertaining my self with a yahoo personals search and I was motivated to give the yahoo people $20 bucks to contact you.” Can’t get much better than that, now can it?? None of them may work out, but at least I am getting contacts. It’s not like I am going out begging to be noticed. They notice me, now!!


Yahoo! Personals Singles Survey

Yahoo! Personals also noted National Singles Week by releasing their , the third annual one Yahoo! has done. Here are some tidbits:

The number of mature singles using e-mail to flirt continues to grow with 68 percent of respondents 56-years of age and older ranking e-mail as the most common online approach to flirting.

More than half of men (51 percent) and women (56 percent) say it is acceptable for a potential date to be up to ten years younger. One in five male respondents would date someone 20 years their junior. Women weren’t as open to the significant difference in age: less than ten percent of women would date someone 20 years their junior. And on a surprising note, 52 percent of men would date someone up to ten years their senior.

Consistent with previous years, the 2005 Yahoo! Personals Singles’ Voice Survey found the majority of online daters are “single but seriously looking” (80 percent) versus being focused on “just dating.”

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


National Singles Week, Singles’ Stats, and Match.com Offer

Did you know that we are practically through “National Singles Week”? This year it is September 18 - 24. To celebrate, Match.com is offering 3 day free trials to all new registrants. I guess that means you have full membership privileges (like emailing others, which you can’t do unless you pay up) for free, at least for the three days. I hope you can type fast, if you are going to take advantage of the offer!

Three days seems sort of cheap. When I was doing online dating in 1998, they offered everyone at least a week for free. But with more than 15 million members worldwide, I guess that Match.com doesn’t feel the need to give away much anymore. Match says that more than 60,000 new folks sign up EVERY DAY. Can you believe it? Golly.

Here are some interesting stats thanks to Match.com about today’s singles:

The estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage in 2004 for women and men are 25.8 and 27.4 respectively, an increase of 5 years for women and 4.2 years for men since 1970. There are more than three times as many never-married women and men ages 30 to 34 today as there were in 1970.

The number of older single people is growing

There are 14.9 million unmarried and single Americans aged 65 and older. People aged 50 and older represent the fastest-growing segment of the Match.com community. According to Nielsen//NetRatings, more than 1.6 million men and women aged 65-plus visited online personals sites in April 2000.

Being single doesn’t necessarily mean being alone. There are 12.4 million single parents living with their children. Between 1970 and 2003 the number of single mothers increased from 3 million to 10 million; the number of single fathers increased from less than half a million to 2 million.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Dating Scams, The Nigerian Connection, and Australian Men

In July, I wrote a posting here about

Here’s another story about unsuspecting daters getting hooked for money from scammers with a Nigerian connection. Don’t, I repeat DON’T, get caught up with anyone who asks you to cash checks or money orders for them, ESPECIALLY if there is a Nigerian connection.

And for guys who usually feel safer, here’s an article out of Sydney, Australia, about a series of abduction/robberies of men. Apparently, these men (in their early 20’s) were lured to meetings with blind dates they had met on the Internet. When they went to the meeting, they were ambushed at knife point, kidnapped, and taken to the nearest ATM. After emptying theirATM accounts, the robbers took the money and drove off in the car, leaving the victim stranded.

I don’t know if Australian men are particularly over-confident,because this reminds me of another of my earlier postings about an Australian man who was particularly dumb about his own safety. But what I wrote there applies here too: Pay attention to basic safety rules. Arrange first meeting(s) in public places where there will be people around. Men, don’t assume that because you are a guy, you are safe. Don’t make stupid mistakes with your life.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

Searching for Love In The Ruins of Katrina

In what seems to be a misguided attempt to “Make lemonade out of lemons,” some men and a few women are advertising on Craigslist.com for partners from those who have fled New Orleans and Katrina. This article on Boston.com quoted one man who said “I’m trying to attract somebody who under normal circumstances may not be attracted to me.”

Hurricane victims??? Why does this remind me of the (mostly) men who go to China or the Philippines to look for mates “with more traditional values” ie who are willing to be dominated and who will feel lucky to marry almost any American who can afford to pay their ticket to the States?

Taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability, either by birth or natural disaster, does not seem the best way to start a relationship. When a relationship begins with a power imbalance right from the start (one partner having the power over the other, perhaps in strength, money, or class), it does not bode well for the future. Practically no one likes to stay in the “down” position forever. If you use power to coerce another person to be with you, you will likely pay a big price later on.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Turn Ons and Turn Offs

I’m thinking and writing now about what creates positive and negative first impressions for Internet daters. I’d like to hear from all of you: Email me (Kathryn @Find-a-Sweetheart.com) or post here with what hooks you or turns you off in a prospective mate’s profile, and the same for when you meet the first time. Be specific: Twinkly eyes, well-groomed hands, nicely dressed, or conversely, nose hair, bad shoes, too much perfume—you know what I mean. Send them on, and I’ll report back.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Richard Roe The SeniorBachelor Is Still At It

Evidently, “Oprah” reran the episode with Richard Roe (the SeniorBachelor.com guy who is looking for a woman to travel the world with) in August, because since then, my blog has seen a lot of extra traffic from all over the world because of Google searches on his name. See my earlier postings on Richard Roe’s endeavors. April 27, April 29 Part 1, April 29 Part 2, and May 9 I wrote this last entry after watching “Pop and Me,” the movie Roe’s son made about their trip around the world. It (the film AND what I wrote) are revealing.

I decided to go on over to SeniorBachelor.com to see how Richard’s search is shaping up. Oooeee! It’s more of the egotism I wrote about earlier. Check out his blog, particularly the entry for September 4, and see him living out the bachelor dream. Ya gotta hand it to the guy: He’s got a great line going.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Fit and Active? Snowmobiliers???

When I first saw this site www.fitness-singles.com described, I was offended. Here’s part of the press release:

“The website’s success in matching active, attractive singles, however, sometimes tempts the less active to the site. Whether ‘couch potatoes’ truly see themselves as fit or whether they want to be in relationship with those who are, Mattioli [President of the company] has a message for them - don’t bother.

“‘Not having a chiseled body isn’t a crime on our site, but passing yourself off as enjoying an active lifestyle when untrue does no good,’ explains Mattioli. ‘To save everyone the trouble of a bad match, we’re considering rejecting the truly unfit from our site.’”

Then I was perversely relieved. Get those folks who insist on"slender, attractive, fit and trim” partners off the regular dating sites and onto their own venue. Those demands discourage everyone who doesn’t measure up—or measure down, whatever thecase may be.

So I went over to take a look at the site. It’s nice and clean looking, lots of white. I do wish that the woman picture on the home page (otherwise very attractive and clean scrubbed looking)wasn’t leaning into the camera so much. The shot looks like thenasty surreptitious up-skirting and down-blousing photos that have been making the rounds.

The real surprise is the list of “sports” they include and sort singles by:

Aerobics Archery Badminton Baseball Basketball BMX Bodybuilding Bowling Boxing Canoe/Kayak Cheerleading Cricket Cross-Training Curling Cycling Dance Disc Equitation Fencing Field Hockey Figure-Skating Fishing Football Golf Gymnastics Handball Hiking/Backpacking Horseshoes Hunting Ice Skating Ice/Roller Hockey Jogging Lacrosse Marathon Martial Arts Motocross MountainBiking Orienteering Paintball Pilates Polo Racquetball Race Walking Rifle/Pistol/Skeet Rock Climbing Roller/Inline Skating Rope Skipping Rowing Rugby Running Sailing Scuba/Snorkeling Skateboarding Skiing Snowboarding Snowmobiling Soccer Softball Spinning Squash Surfing Swimming Table Tennis Tennis Track andField Triathlon Ultimate Frisbee Volleyball Walking/Fitness Water Exercise Water Polo Water Skiing Weight Training White Water Rafting Windsurfing Wrestling Yoga

It includes my favorite Racquetball! I’m meeting Drew this noon to play. Racquetball is the ONLY sport I have ever loved.

Now does that mean I would not be bounced off this site? Because I am a racquetball enthusiast? I’ve certainly got a few years and pounds on that cutie on the home page. And they include BMX, cheerleading, cricket, curling, fishing, horseshoes, hunting, motocross, paintball, rope skipping, and snowmobiling in that list of sports! Paintball? Snowmobiling? Those are SPORTS?? I can think of tons of examples of participants who are anything but chiseled and fit. In fact, they could be more described as tons. And what the heck is BMX? Why doesn’t the site include extreme shopping and channel surfing to really round things out?

So I find this site just plain confusing. If you are looking for “active” folks, then your list includes just about everyone. But if you are looking for “slender, attractive, fit and trim” then just say so and not let anyone else on who doesn’t pass the superficial looks test.

BTW, I did a search on racquetball. About 14 folks came up. About half had terrible pictures, a quarter lots of beefcake and too much skin showing for my taste. None looked even close inage to me (mid-fifties and a little chubby).

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Googling “Kathryn Lord” Yields Great Finds!

Just as I recommend that you Google yourself*** regularly to find out what’s out there in cyberspace about you or someone else with your name, I Google myself once in awhile, too. And along with what I see listed every time, like my own website, I usually find my articles posted in new places that I didn’t know about, or me quoted in other people’s postings.

Here’s an article on GreatBoyfriends.com that the author interview me for—It’s pretty darned good, if I do say so myself. Great advice for new online daters. The author Kathleen Murray quoted me accurately, not always the case in interviews.

This is one of my favorite pieces on the importance of have a good attitude.

Four of my articles are posted here, including one on… Googling!

This British site MyAgonyAunt (isn’t that a great name?) has Speed Dating Online and Off and
Does Internet Dating Work?

How did I get on this site for Russian Brides? Well, the article on why not to lie is a good one!

Whew! That’s enough for now. I’ve got lots of links I need to trace down.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

***You haven’t Googled yourself??? Here’s how: go to google.com and do a search on your name in quotation marks. I searched “Kathryn Lord”


See You in Court? New Dangers for Internet Liars

Here’s a story that came across my computer screen this weekend that presents yet another reason not to lie in your Internet dating ventures. Dr. Khaled Zeitoun (a fertility specialist—doesn’t he get enough female contact in his work?) is being sued by two separate women he met on an Internet dating site. The problem? He’s a married man with three children. He told potential Sweeties that he was single.

It’ll be interesting to see what happens with these suits. I wonder whether the court will take them seriously. But again, it’s more reasons not to lie about ANYTHING. People find out, one way or another, and as these ladies are proving, you could find yourself in court.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Jonathan Leaf on Nerve.com

My Romance clients often ask what the best dating sites are, which would work the best for them, and what the sites are like. The last count I heard was that there are more than 1000 dating sites out there now! Clearly entrepreneurs have heard that Internet dating is a growth industry (though not with the steam it had a couple of years ago—this year’s projected growth is 9%). As you might suspect, I can’t possibly keep up with all the twists and turns of that many sites. I am hard-pressed to keep up with the changes that keep coming on the biggest ones like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals.

I like big numbers, and I always suggest Yahoo! Personals or Match.com. Some folks like to pair a big site with a smaller, more specialized site like JDate.com (for people looking for Jewish partners). It’s a good idea to do your own research, and it’s easy to find resources on the web: Just do a Google search using “‘dating sites’+review” for your search terms and many sites with reviews come up.

Jonathan Leaf of http://www.nypress.com/ has started a series of columns on some to the bigger dating sites. If you’d like to read his most interesting impressions of Nerve.com, take a look at his column here. As I had already gotten the impression, Nerve.com (via Leaf’s writings) seems edgy, sexy, maybe brainier, and younger. It does not seem oriented for those looking for more mainstream, long-term relationships.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Best Wishes to Craig and Jocelyn!

This needs no words.


Craig and Jocelyn’s Wedding

A week ago today, we got up before dawn to go to a lovely wedding on the beach in Massachusetts. Much as we and other guests grumbled at the early hour (a 4:15am wake-up call), it was delightful to be on the beach at that hour and to watch the sun come up behind the couple said their vows. And you’ll see by the photo of Craig and Jocelyn that the light was incredible.

I was also struck by the other couples present, that both the men and the women seemed to indulge the romantic swoon of the occasion. Weddings are wonderful places to reaffirm love and commitment and the traditions of the ages, and to re-experience falling in love and courtship, even if you are an old married couple.

Craig and Jocelyn were first noticed as a couple by the rest of the family at Craig’s sister Elizabeth’s Texas wedding in January 2004. They met on one of Craig’s visits to Elizabeth, and carried on a long-distance courtship (Massachusetts to Texas) until Craig moved south this summer. Long distance relationships can work out—Drew and I live 482 miles apart when we met on Match.com in 1998. Though usually it requires someone to do the moving.

Best wishes to Jocelyn and Craig, now in Scotland for their honeymoon!

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Kiss Me (in Lisdoonvarna), I’m Irish!

If you are single and female and have always wanted to live in Ireland, you ought to consider traveling to Lisdoonvarna. Men too may want to go, but it sounds like women have the numerical advantage. Where’s that and what do you do there? Well, golly, you look for a Sweetheart!

I’ve not heard of this before, but it looks like (pardon the expression!) a match made in heaven!All during September, particularly on the weekends, the little town of Lisdoonvarna, County Clare in Ireland, celebrates and enhances matchmaking. Singles from all over Ireland and beyond gather to look for love. Last year, 40,000 people attended, and 7,000 per weekend is not unusual. For a feel of the event, check out this article.

If you’d like to check out lots and lots of mate possibilities the old fashioned way—face to face—then this festival is for you.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Four-legged Sweeties

If lovers with four legs seem like a better risk for you, read this story about a dandy service that operates like a dating site, except it matches people and pets. Petfinder.com provides a wonderful service, matching homeless pets with willing owners. I just did a search on kittens in my area, and if we didn’t already have a handful with three puddies, we’d be adopting a few more. They are sooo cute! Don’t go looking unless you want to fall in love.

Petfinder.com is also handling donations for Katrina pet victims. I just heard on TV that hungry dogs are now a big problem in the devastated areas.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord


Back in Mississippi for Now…

Well, we are back. It’s been over two weeks now since I have posted here. I had hoped to do so while we were away in Maine and Massachusetts, but we were plagued by veeerrrry slow Internet service (or none at all), some of it because our house is on an island, and some because of Hurricane Katrina.

Maine was wonderful as always, made more so because we have been having construction work done there, in preparation for Drew’s retirement next year and our spending more time in Maine. The anticipation of getting there was tough, because we hadn’t seen what was being built for a long time. But we were happily very pleased with the progress. Glad to see that all the decisions and money spent were to the good.

We got back to Mississippi Sunday night to a standing house that was pretty much as we left it, except for spoiled food in the fridge, a downed fig tree, and a sprung storm door. Gas lines and no fresh food in the stores, but things seem to be getting back to normal quickly. The kitties were glad to see us, if only because we opened the doors and let them out for the first time since we had left.

So I’ve got some catching up to do here on the old computer, website and blog. Stay tuned while I read up one what’s been happening while I have been away, and have chance to summarize for y’all.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord



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