Kathryn's Blog

Custom made mates

Custom Made Mates

Are you able to buy your clothes off the rack and they fit perfectly?  Or do you have as hard a time as I do finding things that fit?  I have NEVER been able to get a good fitting pair of jeans.  What I learned to do is to buy them too big in the butt and then get out my sewing machine and take in the hips.

Even then, they are not perfect.  Frankly, I’d about given up.

Imagine my surprise when I found a website where I could get jeans custom made, and priced so that I didn’t have to take out a loan.  Not only could I get my odd dimensions covered in denim, I could pick the particulars, like the color of the denim and the number of pockets.  Even better, when the new jeans came in the mail, I found out if they did not fit perfectly, I could get a new, adjusted pair made at no extra cost!

Come on!  I’ve got to be kidding, right?

No, I’m not.  And I’ll never be jeanless again.  I’ve got that site bookmarked.

The Internet is fantastic for finding things like custom made jeans, recipes for Mint Juleps, and now romance.  But you know, there’s something about the ability to find what you want online that I think sets singles up to be disappointed.  Maybe you have been disappointed, too.  Here’s how that happens:

Like with my custom-made jeans, dating sites encourage us to get very specific about what we are looking for, all the factors we think will make a good fit for us as a partner.  We can put in the measurements, the religion and race, the location, even down to eye color, of our fantasy date.  And then with just a click on “Seach,” magically, we see all those who the perfectly fit our parameters.  Maybe.

Many of us have very specific ideas about what we are looking for mate-wise.  After all, we have been thinking about Mr. or Ms. Right for a very long time.  But here’s the bad news: It’s a fantasy!  And our ability to find what we want on the Net (like those custom-made jeans) coupled with the way dating sites work encourage us to think that we will be able to order up exactly the kind of man or woman we want in our heads.  And he or she will be perfect, just like our fantasy, right?

Of course, we also have our romantic mythologies, too, that encourage us to believe in Prince or Princess Charming.  Do you have a story in your head about how love should go that you compare all your dates to?  One guy I coached said “I think if she were the right one I’d be thinking about her all the time and always want to jump her bones.”  All the time?  What about work, or when you are in the middle of a good book?

Behind the photos, behind the essays, are real people, with flaws and warts, just like you’ve got.  If you get too hung up on your perfect fantasy, coupled with the illusion that the Internet and dating sites feed – that your fantasy really exists and that somehow you deserve it – you will be disappointed over and over.  It’s a great way to stay single.

Get real and get reasonable about what you are looking for – and what you reasonably will be able to attract – in a partner.  Start with a “Must Have, Can’t Stand” list, winnowed down to 10 each (you won’t believe how hard that exercise is!), and then stick to it.  Think about the Rolling Stones’song: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need.”

P. S.  Haven’t done a “Must Have, Can’t Stand” list?  Send me an email and get the exercise by return email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)



I agree with the article, custom making a date online can lead to disaster.  An example, my single friend signed up for a matchmaking website and put in very specific details on what she wanted in a man.  A few days later, the site sent her a “perfect match.” The guy was GAY!!  The online system thing can be flawed.

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