Kathryn's Blog

Finances Count

I get letters from visitors to my website and readers of my enewsletter all the time.  When I think that the questions posed are of interest to more than the writer, I often alter the writer’s note to conceal identifying details, then publish the relevant content here or in my free *eMAIL to eMATE* enewsletter. (Not a subscriber? Sign up here!)

Dear Kathryn,

I am 44 years old, single, white, nonsmoker, and consider myself a decent person.  Yet, I don’t have much luck in finding the right one.  I am never married, although, there has been one or two in my past that have reasonably close.  My longest relationship is six months.  ( I guess by now you are laughing.)  Most of my friends from high school are divorced at least once.

I have noticed that today, girls my age are more focused on whether you can provide them with a Lexus SUV and an unlimited checking account.  I cannot.  I only make $18,000 a year with my wonderful BA degree and real estate license.

I don’t smoke, dip snuff, or have any tattoos.  In fact, I guess you could say I am more like Wally on Leave It To Beaver.  Yet, I think some girls out there are looking for bad boy types on Harleys.

I am without a clue and just about given up on the prospect that I will ever find anyone for me.

I get mostly rejection….Women run from me and interrogate me more about my career and finances than about whether I like the Dallas Cowboys or what is my favorite color. 

Can you tell me five things that most women like and what I should be doing.  I have no clue anymore.


Yeeoweekazowee, Roger.  What a saga.  Well, I think you know the answer to your question.  It is all over your email.  You are wrong about the Lexus and unlimited bank account, but women looking at a 46 year old guy will want to know that he can at least fill a gas tank.  How do you even buy food on $18,000 a year?  If you were 22 and not 44, the $18,000 would not be that big a deal, but 44???!!!

You sell real estate.  You know that the value of a property is what someone is willing to sell (or trade) for it.  What is your value on the mate market?  You sound like a nice guy, but at 44, an American man should be well established in a career, near or at the top of his earning capacity, own property and have a good net worth.  Women—and nowadays men too—look carefully at that in a potential partner.  They ask “Will this man/woman pull his/her financial weight in the relationship?  Is he/she saving for retirement and the future?  Will he/she be able to take care of me if I get sick?  What about children and the skills and ability to support a family?”  If the individual comes up short, then why?  Does he/she have other attributes to offer (beauty, charm, skills, etc) that tip the balance?  Is there an explanation of the current financial situation that makes sense, and a plan to change it?  Like the individual is retraining for a more lucrative field, has made or lost his/her first million and is gearing up for a second, or is living on a trust fund that will pay off big in the future (that last one is not that good, but better than nothing)?  Or are they planning to win the lottery (wishful thinking)?

Income and financial stability is more that just about dollars.  It[s a rough indicator of ability to set goals and plan, to organize oneself, to anticipate the future.  It can say something about character: amibition, realistic thinking, self-respect.

You need to look at what can be done to increase your dating worth.  The easiest and most under your control is figure out how to make more money.  Sorry, but it’s not just women looking for dollar signs.  At your age, you should be more financially set.

Best wishes, Kathryn



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