Risking “Bad First Dates”
I had lunch the other day with Julie who is an *eMAIL to eMATE* reader and online dating veteran. She has a boyfriend now, happily, though not one she met online. While Internet dating sites provide the best possible way to meet lots of people who are single and looking like you are, it’s still possible to meet good mate candidates the old-fashioned way like Julie did.
Julie told me some great (or maybe not so great) first date stories. Since Drew and I went to “Must Love Dogs” (which also features rough first dates) just a couple of days later, Julie’s true life stories stuck in my mind.
One pleasant-seeming date went sour when the guy (who had good local family credentials) asked Julie if she had any daughters (she did, 17 years old), and then went on to talk about other women he had dated who had daughters, how much he enjoyed the girls, doing things with them. Especially the twins.
Another guy made it until date #2, when he told Julie that he had seven kids under 18.
Fella #3 seemed great—successful businessman, known in the community, and clearly interested in her. On that first date, he said he could see the two of them having a good time together, traveling, etc. (implying that he would be paying the bills), but that his relationships never went beyond 18 months.
The real point here is not disastrous date stories. What I think is so significant is that these guys told Julie just what she needed to know so that she could make an informed decision about proceeding in a relationship with them. AND Julie was paying attention. People tell you who they are. You just need to be willing to hear what they say. A skilled, close reading of a potential’s online presentation and profile essay and their email exchanges with you can yield a tremendous amount of information. Then careful listening and observing in your first meetings could very well give you all you need to know to decide.
And keep in mind: If you don’t risk “bad first dates,” you’ll have no chance at all to get a good second one.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Kathryn,
Why would “the guy (who had good local family credentials) asked Julie if she had any daughters (she did, 17 years old), and then went on to talk about other women he had dated who had daughters, how much he enjoyed the girls, doing things with them. Especially the twins.” cause Julie concern?
On the larger issue ... I completely agree with your statement “If you don’t risk bad first dates, you’ll have no chance at all to get a good second one.”
However, as you know, I disagree that using Internet Dating sites is an effective way to meet people ... precisely for the reason that was stated on another blog on your site “... I also get the impression that online dating, as opposed to other types of dating, helps to make people overly unreasonable in their requirements. Because the technology allows people to screen easily and in detail, people go overboard. “If I can choose any type of person to date, why don’t I just screen out anyone who doesn’t fit the ‘perfect date’ profile?...”
This has been exactly my experience with internet dating. People are just not willing to take the risk of going on a date with someone they don’t know.
L.
Posted by Anonymous on 08/04 at 08:42 AM