Kathryn's Blog

Single Moms and looking for love

Single women with children have a lot to think about and balance in their search for a new partner.  Here’s a letter from Ellen who voices those concerns:

Dear Kathryn,

I am a 34 year old Mom.  I have been divorced for 10+ years and have had several relationships in that time.  Most of them lasted about 2 years and ended in me growing weary of being a mother to the guys that were supposed to be there for me.  I have since started dating on-line (since November) and this way I can feel a guy out, figure out what their quirks are and decide whether or not this is something that I can handle.  So far, not a whole lot of luck.  I have found a few guys that I have met, they were cute, established and funny.  Once we exchange photos and email and text for a bit, they lose interest.  I’m really beginning to feel depressed. Is there something that I can do to make myself more marketable?  I think that my expectations may be too high and that I have this fantasy about how the love of my life will make me feel. I have watched the show Millionaire Matchmaker and know that even successful and beautiful women have the same trouble that I do. I’m just a Plain Jane that wants to be loved.  I would love some advice.  Ellen

Dear Ellen – You have a complicated picture here, and there are a lot of questions I would have that you don’t provide answers for in your note.  For instance: The guys you dated before—did they have relationship experience and/or children of their own?  Young guys WITHOUT those things would fairly naturally slide into letting an already-mother mother them. 

If I were you, I’d be looking at divorced men with children.  They know how to be married (though maybe it wasn’t the best experience) and they know how to be a parent.  Are you doing the picking, or are you waiting for the men to approach you?  Figure out what is most important to you at this time in your life, and look for that.  Cure and funny might come far down the list from established, dependable, and experienced in relationships and parenthood.  Those traits are less exciting, but much better risks in the long run. 

The guys that lose interest quickly are not the guys for you, so let them go with gratitude and look instead to the ones who stay around and are good mate material, rather than good date material. Good luck!  Kathryn



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